by Nicole Serafin, age 41 years, Tintenbar, NSW, Australia
A challenge faced by many women no doubt, not just myself.
There is so much pressure out there on women to not only breastfeed but also how long they should breastfeed for. This is compounded by the conflicting articles and information, often making women feel guilty if they stop feeding too early or even the other way around, feeling criticised if they breastfeed for too long.
So what is the right amount of time to feed for?
Should I feed for a long time, a short time, or should I even feed at all?
This is something that I pondered on with our first child.
I realised that I had to feel when it was that she was ready to stop breastfeeding and that she would, if I allowed her, show me when she was ready. I also realised that I had to not be attached to breastfeeding her, that it was a support I was offering her and that when she was ready I would know it was the right time to stop.
Of course, there were all sorts of signs that our daughter was showing to let us know it was time to move from the breast to solids:
- watching us as we ate and wanting to eat what we ate
- being more interested in what was going on around her when being breastfed
- playing rather than feeding
- beginning to chew and mimic us whenever we ate
- following food and drink with her eyes, almost like she was mesmerised by it
I breastfed our daughter until she was just over 9 months old and when I stopped she never looked back.
But is 5 months too early to stop?
We now have a second child and I did not realise how strong the ideals and beliefs were around how long you should breastfeed for, until I began to feel that our son no longer needed to be breastfed – he showed interest in solids much earlier than our daughter, being both willing and content to eat food rather than be breastfed. At 5 months he was more interested in what was going on around him, wanting to be a part of everything and of course not wanting to miss out if someone had food that he may be able to have.
So, I began to ponder on the ‘should I or shouldn’t I?’ question.
Should I stop breastfeeding him or should I continue – was it for his benefit or mine in the end?
I did not have the same pull with our daughter as I had with our son. She was a few months older so it was not such an issue for me when I felt to stop, but with our son being only 5 months it left me with a completely different feeling. However, I felt to stop and he felt that he had the support from me that he needed at the time and that my support for him would carry on, only in a different way.
I continued to feed for another few weeks realising more and more every day that he no longer needed to be breastfed and that he was only going through the motions. However, I felt that if I stopped breastfeeding then I was failing him, not giving him what he needed, not allowing his immune system time to develop. This was crazy stuff, knowing, feeling and seeing that our son was thriving and content and an amazing little man.
I sat with all the feelings that this decision was bringing up for me, only to realise that our son was the one who was making the decision and it was for me to feel whether or not that decision was true for him.
I stopped feeding our son at just over 5 and a half months and he has never looked back. He is thriving on solids and is a content, joyful, loving little man.
Of course there are always others who offer their advice and opinions, but again, like I have come to feel, every child is different and we need to do what is true for them and for ourselves.
So often I feel we can fall into the trap of thinking that we are continuing to breastfeed for their benefit, when in truth, there are times we are actually doing it for ourselves. It is this that I feel holds them back, not to mention holding us at bay from being able to feel how awesome they are in their own right and in their own ability to know when and what is right for themselves.
I feel that we are here in the mothering role to support in whatever way is needed and by listening to them and observing them in the way they are, we are able to truly do this objectively without our own needs imposing on them.
Our son continues to thrive and every day I can see him wanting more and more. He watches with great interest how it is that we eat, watching us chew our food and how we drink our drinks. He is observing and getting ready every day for the next step.
My son showed me he no longer needed me to feed him and by allowing myself to see and respect his own unique pattern of development, he is powering on from an awesome baby into an awesome little man.
If it were not for the unwavering support of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Esoteric Breast Massage and its practitioners, I would never have been able to connect in such a way to myself or my breasts and be able to feel what was needed to support the process discussed in this article.
You may also like:
New Mother: To Breastfeed or Not to Breastfeed?
My Relationship with My Breasts Changes (Breast Trilogy – Part 2)