Category: ON RELATIONSHIPS

Why Flirt? One Woman’s Discovery

~ womeninlivingness

A boyfriend once said to me that he couldn’t imagine me flirting and suggested I should be less shy and flirt more. Inside I felt self-righteous, that I didn’t stoop that low and incredulous that he should suggest such a thing. Another part of my reaction was feeling sad that I wasn’t accepted the way I was.

FLIRTING – IT’S IN THE EYES

We discussed what constitutes flirting and I concluded that it is about trying to attract another and that it had sexual undertones. However, this boyfriend having said that I should flirt more, recalled a house party that I hosted before we got together, he said, “I felt like you were flirting with your eyes”. Continue reading “Why Flirt? One Woman’s Discovery” →

The Woman, The Mother

~ womeninlivingness
Nicole Serafin - Age 42
Nicole Serafin (Age 42)

Walking into a business this week being complimented on how great I looked, then being met with utter confusion by the clerk as to how I could look so great when she found out I had 2 children (a 6 yr old and a 12 month old), made me ponder on how we women see ourselves when we become mothers.

A lot of women feel a sense of losing their identity after having children – they become someone’s mother. Some also believe it is impossible to maintain the same level of care for themselves when they become mothers. Continue reading “The Woman, The Mother” →

Communicating with Men in my Amazingness

~ womeninlivingness

I have observed myself and my amazingness for a while now and have discovered that I have a tendency to relate to men and women in a different way. I did not feel safe opening up and communicating with men in relationships in the same way I did with women, because there was always a lurking fear that I would be misread. When I wanted to open myself up, I have been scared that men would want more than simply platonic relations. So I never really opened myself fully in my communication with men, and as a result, men could never be fully open to me.

In the past, when I have been relating to men, because of my non-acceptance of myself as I am, I have attached a lot of need towards words given as compliments, such as “you are beautiful”. Continue reading “Communicating with Men in my Amazingness” →

I Don’t NEED a Man

~ womeninlivingness

Until recently I always thought I knew ‘I don’t need a man’, that I am complete without one and if people were to talk about women needing a man to be complete I would think how absurd it is to think that one does. I did not really see this as something for me to know or look into because I agree… one should not feel as if they are not complete without another.

On a personal level I could not stand ‘neediness’ anyway, it just did not make sense to need someone in that way and so if ever this topic was mentioned I thought, yes I already know about this and have always ‘known’ it… so I never gave any thought to it again.

WELL … Continue reading “I Don’t NEED a Man” →

Learning to Express Myself

~ womeninlivingness

What is it that gets in the way of me truly expressing myself?

  • Wanting to please other people and make sure that I act in a way that makes them feel reassured and accepted
  • Wanting to be the best, to be noticed or to be rewarded in some way for taking part…always after that A* prize of recognition
  • Fear/shame/embarrassment of not wanting to reveal myself as some kind of inept imposter
  • The ‘children should be seen and not heard’ mantra from childhood
  • Not wanting my expression to spiral into an uncomfortable emotional reaction, because I’ve been holding back for so long, and there is so much to say Continue reading “Learning to Express Myself” →

Using a Clothes Steamer: My shopping Purchase and Supporting Me

~ womeninlivingness

I love to shop. Recently my husband and I were talking about how some shopping purchases can be truly supportive and others are just unnecessary objects we buy because we are trying to fill a void or distract ourselves from feeling “stuff” that is coming up. We had this fun conversation about items we had brought (runners and a clothes steamer), and expressed a loving appreciation for ourselves when we brought something that was truly supportive.  Continue reading “Using a Clothes Steamer: My shopping Purchase and Supporting Me” →

Perfect Family Picture or NOT?

~ womeninlivingness

by Nicole Serafin, Woman, Wife, Mother, Self-employed Pharmacy Receptionist, NSW, Australia

Have you ever felt dissatisfied with life, not happy with what you have or where you are at, using half-truths or manipulation to control or create a situation, pretending everything is ok when it is not? Have you lived a life totally self created from an ideal or belief to achieve ‘perfection’, prepared to do whatever it takes to have a perfect family picture and life?

My family life appeared to be a perfect picture – I had an amazing husband, a great home, a successful business and we had a beautiful daughter who was, as people would say, a ‘dream baby’. I had all the things that perhaps many women dream of: perfect family, perfect child and perfect life.

Was I being greedy wanting more? Continue reading “Perfect Family Picture or NOT?” →

Learning to Express: Letting the Truth Out

~ womeninlivingness

by Bryony, London, UK

At first I felt reckless; had I really just outed myself as a former tenderness denier?

I felt nervous about telling someone close to me about writing on this blog because I was afraid of how they’d react, and of being criticised.

But – what if I chose to stay with me while telling them about something close to my heart, focussed on my reaction and how I am, instead of getting caught up in the tangled mess of their and then our emotional reactions? I decided to test it out. Continue reading “Learning to Express: Letting the Truth Out” →

I am a Very Sensitive Woman: Discovering the Strength of Sensitivity

~ womeninlivingness

by Luz Helena Hincapie, Colombia

Learning to work on my hypersensitivity and starting to love and appreciate my sensitivity hasn’t been easy, as I tend to get ideas of how I should behave and how I should fit into society. Self-judgment, the need for recognition and feeling hurt all insist on hanging around. If I let them, they insist on pulling me back into the old ways. However, with the consistent commitment to lovingly assess where I am at and the trust I now have in myself it is certainly a joyful process.

I’ve found that the answer in dealing with ‘distorted’ sensitivity is inside of my heart, never in my mind or practicing the sports of intellectual and emotional self-defence. The mind will only mask things, chose strategies and it will be a saboteur in the long run. The self-defence sports will only make one awkward and hard. Continue reading “I am a Very Sensitive Woman: Discovering the Strength of Sensitivity” →

Is Sensitivity a Weakness or a Strength? Dealing with the Insecurities of a Hyper-sensitive Woman

~ womeninlivingness

by Luz Helena Hincapie, Colombia 

What does being hyper-sensitive imply in a woman’s life? Is there any real hope for it?

I walked most of my life being un-aware of how hypersensitive I was and I still tend to be. Why? On one hand, I was very closed off to my feelings and my inner world and on the other hand mainly because I never wanted to ACCEPT being like that. People (especially women) that I used to judge as hypersensitive put me off. I saw them as weak, shy, as the shadow of someone else, not able to speak out, hiding and uninteresting. My ideals of a great personality were to be outgoing, super-confident, funny, smart and popular. I tried very hard to have all those qualities. Continue reading “Is Sensitivity a Weakness or a Strength? Dealing with the Insecurities of a Hyper-sensitive Woman” →