by Adele Leung, Fashion Stylist/Art Director, Hong Kong
I am a woman who is single presently but I happen to have mothering duties. I have been blessed with a petite and delicate body frame and a radiating smile, yet, my power does not come from my physical looks or stature. In honesty, I do not have what society has for a long time found comfortable in labelling women as.
Being a female growing up, I have always tried to live what was expected of a woman. However, I have discovered that this definition continues to differ when I am in different parts of the world and in different cultures.
Women and Asian Culture, Men and the Feminist Movement
From a very young age, I knew what was being referred to as the ‘feminist movement’ was not something that felt comfortable to me. I knew being a true woman did not and cannot involve being in competition with the opposite sex. More precisely, it cannot involve competition, period. Fighting about something in reaction and in resistance, whatever the justification, just does not feel true. Even though I was never interested in feminism in the way it was portrayed in mass culture, I have continued to explore what being a true woman is.
Being born in and growing up in Asia I was brought up to believe that being female is to be subservient, and quiet. Very quiet. A good and proper little girl never draws attention to herself; she is however, valued when she does not take up space and just withdraws. If she is from a respected background, she does not speak her mind and never disagrees publicly with the elders or men.
I grew up being a very quiet and well-behaved child – every feeling that I felt and I have felt it all, was rarely expressed. Being so easy to raise I was looked upon to be a precious child and there was a constant fear that if I opened my mouth to express how I really felt I would no longer be ‘loved’. Since I could not bring myself to speak about what is not true, I chose to keep my lips sealed in exchange for ‘love’ during my childhood years.
I became an adult woman still bound by this belief and with every man I have been with I did not know any other way to be but to give and give and even when I had no more of me I was still giving some more, because I thought that was the only way I would be loved. Every situation when I felt I was not being honored I would find a reason justifying the other person being dishonouring of me, and continued to numb my body from the deep pain that it experienced EVERY SINGLE TIME this happened. In-truth, I was perpetuating such situations by never honoring myself in the first place, simply because I did not know that was even a possibility of being a woman.
The truth is I have always known within my heart that there was another possibility of what a true woman is; instead I have spent most of my life doubting this knowing. While growing up nothing I saw in the outside world confirmed what is known in the heart or pointed me in that direction.
There has been a perpetual wish to live the truth of myself as a woman, yet I was constantly living only a corrupted version of it. If I continued to agree to be led by what the world currently defines a woman to be, it would easily have meant that I would go about the rest of my life believing and living a definition of a woman that is not true.
‘Little Women’
Yet, with the grace of true love my body did not allow this to happen. The warning signs became impossible to ignore and I chose not to be fooled again. One year ago, I experienced acute insomnia that lasted for months. My body was telling me that I could not go on perpetuating lovelessness and non-truth for myself and yet, I still hesitated. Consequently, the conflict within myself was enormous. Eventually through utter self honesty and self-responsibility I began to walk every step with great caution and care, in order to truly return to my heart, to return to what was true.
Neither contracting ourselves to become ‘little women’ (this is a very common Chinese expression, and it is the ‘little women’ that most Asian men adore) or having to act like men to retain control, is the true power of a woman.
Through a knowing that I have carried with me since a child ….
I knew it was possible to live what is a true woman with ease, with grace and with no fear.
But how?
Every moment that I feel the joy within me, I am living the true woman that I am. This is the joy that I first meet myself with every moment and consequently I meet every man, woman or child with it, equally. It is the same joy that I greet a new born or the President of a country with, the same joy that I go on Facebook or approach a big project with. This joy is fully open and refreshingly honest. It is clear and direct, very light-hearted and full of love.
A true woman can be of any physical appearance and can choose to express in every different way, she can be single or with a partner, yet every expression is a reflection of the deep love that she has for herself. She is not afraid to show her sexiness (which is far more than the sexiness a woman can turn on for another, that we currently accept as ‘sexy’) because it is simply a part of her natural being – a moment to moment utter expression of her own love. Awakened in this, a woman can play-fully thank an ‘admirer’ of her work for their sometimes forward sexual offers, however, telling them that she is open to collaborate in amazing work but only wishes to sleep with herself tonight.
A true woman can say ‘no’ with ease, in gentleness, without fear and always with love. Her heart is forever nurturing and every day she lives to experience how this nurturance can be expressed in true love. She can simply reflect all her glory and power within her with a genuine smile, where the greatest strength and trueness is spoken – this woman can stand in the world solidly and equally to all.
As a woman, our value and worth is simply within our hearts. We are this preciousness, whether individually or when we are with other women or men. We are not a by-product of the male gender nor are we superior. We are equal and just as precious because in our hearts both men and women carry the same love.
And when we live this true love that we are, we women, can all be true women.
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