Finding My Self-Worth: Is it in Performing different Roles in my Life?

~ womeninlivingness

For a long time I felt my self-worth was outside of me, in all that I did and received back in the process, as a form of recognition or a reward:

  • It was all about others and keeping them happy with NO time for me
  • It was in multi-tasking, in working hard towards being the best I could be in all aspects of life
  • It was all about things that I would achieve on my TO DO list in all my roles – as a child, sister, daughter, friend, mother, wife, employee…

That’s what I thought was the way to live: a life driven by doing/achieving and being recognised constantly in all that I did! Continue reading “Finding My Self-Worth: Is it in Performing different Roles in my Life?” →

Comparison and Competition between Women

~ womeninlivingness

What if instead of ignoring it or pretending it doesn’t happen, we could understand comparison and competition between women as an opportunity to notice something more about ourselves?

Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?

When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.

Is it possible that comparison enters through the doorway of lack of self worth or self loathing that we open whenever we brush off, ignore or hold at bay recognising and appreciating the absolute preciousness and amazingness of ourselves?

  • When I see a friend, sister, colleague, daughter or my mum feeling amazing, stepping up and being beautiful, there is a lot of information exchanged in that split second about the choices they have made and the ones I have made too. I get to feel them and myself in that same moment. If I hold that woman above me, better than me, more ‘it’ than me – I feel deflated and crushed by my own ‘not enough-ness’, my mouth goes dry and my tummy feels punched. Hello comparison… where’s the chocolate?
  • When I am present with myself and hold myself as equal to any other woman, including the one in front of me that is reflecting their beauty and amazingness, all the information of that single moment is still there, but instead of being crushed I get to feel where I have let myself go or held myself back, in the face of my mums, friends, sisters, colleagues or daughters’ choice to be more of themselves instead of opting for something less. I get to see and feel where they have made choices that I didn’t. But the difference is, I do not feel less for it, I feel soundly aware of the choices I’ve or haven’t made and the ones I can still make instead. Hello inspiration!

How different would our relationships be as women if we were able to, instead of using the information we are constantly feeling in every exchange as a measuring rod to beat ourselves (or another) with, we acknowledged the unfolding beauty of another woman without feeling an iota less in ourselves, in fact, feeling more aware and appreciative of ourselves instead?

As women we have a powerful opportunity to nip comparison and competition in the bud wherever it plays out in our daily lives and our relationships with each other – friends, family, colleagues, celebrities, strangers – even pictures in a magazine or characters in a movie.

What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?

When comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.

Inspired by the Esoteric Women’s Health presentations of Jenny Ellis, Rebecca Poole and Mary Louise Myers.

By Adrienne Hutchins, BEd, Brisbane, Australia

Meeting Men, with the True Beauty of a Woman

~ womeninlivingness

Yesterday, when I walked down the road to catch the bus, I was feeling full of my own inner beauty, the true beauty of myself as a woman: my heart was open and I felt joy when I came across other people on my way. Many of these interactions were with men…

  • a simple ‘good morning’ to the man walking his dog
  • a warm hello to the road sweeper who looked surprised but opened up like a flower in response to my smile
  • a wave hello to the man who runs a café who always leans out of his door to wave back at me and wish me a good day
  • a brief heartfelt conversation with a man who asked me directions
  • a smile and a ‘thank you’ to two men sitting on a doorstep whiling their time away, who told me I looked lovely today.

Continue reading “Meeting Men, with the True Beauty of a Woman” →

What is being Truly Sexy?

~ womeninlivingness

What sexy means to me has changed dramatically over the past three years, since attending the Women in Livingness Groups, held monthly in London. I used to see being sexy as something outside of me that I could buy, attain or an approach that if studied hard enough could bring me that sexy look. I used to see being sexy as an age thing and that as you went past a certain age that was it – no more sexy!

Well I am super glad I have put that belief to bed; I have now met many, many women who inspire super sexiness at all ages. These women are happy and content with who they are, they know they are not perfect but there is tender openness with a joy and a willingness to explore who they really are. Over the years that I have attended the women’s groups, I have seen the ladies flourish as they deepen their connection to the real, truly sexy women they are.

This has been a real blessing and truly inspiring to see. I can feel my body rejoice in the inspiration of these women as they deepen their self- acceptance for themselves, and love for who they are.

Society imposes on us what sexy is.

Sexy is not a picture in a magazine that tells us how we should look.

Sexy is not about showing as much flesh as possible.

Sexy is not about flirting and being all smiles and puppy dog eyes, yet hiding behind a façade of insecurities.

Sexy is not about being taken advantage of in any single way.

Sexy is not about inciting male attention to hide a lack in ourselves.

Sexy is not about making other women jealous.

Sexy is not about inciting comparison.

Sexy is not selling a product or selling yourself.

Sexy is not seeing a look on a billboard and feeling “wow that is sexy I want to look like that”.

Sexy is not manipulating a situation to get what you want.

Being sexy is not using looks or sex to gain affection.

Sexy is not dressing just for the attention of others.

Sexy is not acting seductively to “hook” a male in.

Being sexy is not being domineering, or meek and pathetic.

Sexy is not about being abused in any way.

Sexy is not acting promiscuously or promoting it in any form and it is definitely not found on MTV.

True sexiness is:

  • How we move.
  • How we are gentle and tender with ourselves.
  • How we walk.
  • When we feel amazing, and claim it rather than holding it back.
  • How we blink our eyes.
  • How aware we are of our breasts.
  • How when our posture is aligned and chest lovingly expanded we stand open ready to give and receive love.
  • The way we can feel connected to and be aware of our ovaries and uterus whilst carrying out mundane tasks.
  • In our voice when we talk with clarity and presence.
  • An inner confidence that is not altered by other’s perceptions, whether good or bad.
  • The clothes we choose to wear that accentuate the beautiful woman already there.
  • In the way in which we deeply honour ourselves whilst getting ready for the day.
  • How we interact with all those we meet, holding them, connecting with them and not holding back and not trying to be more or less.
  • Simply expressing what is there to be expressed.
  • Being playful, and being in the moment.
  • Dressing for yourself and feeling the texture of the fabric on the skin and the way it feels and flows on body.
  • Choosing underwear that confirms the beauty we are, making sure the fabric feels good against the body.
  • Giving yourself permission to say YES to life.

Being Truly Sexy is enhanced by being in touch with our natural rhythms and cycles; it is about inspiring other women that we are ALL truly sexy, and all we need to do is connect to the enormous sensual, sacred and tender love that we have inside.

As women we all have a unique sexiness that comes not from looks or any outside skill we perform. True sexiness is there already within, waiting and wanting to come out. Thank you to all you sexy ladies out there for inspiring me to be the full, truly sexy woman I am!

by STC, UK 

You may also like:

Feeling Truly Sexy by Priscila, UK
The Natural Yearning and Impulse to Express Our Beauty by Gina Dunlop

Menopause and Me – A New Chapter in life, Listening to My Body and Making Wiser Choices

~ womeninlivingness

I was truly inspired after reading the blog My Reincarnation through the Menopause by Susan Lee. I couldn’t agree more that there is definitely a life afterwards, and that older women are not ‘over the hill’, or ‘invisible’!

The Change

I am a woman of 61, and I went through the menopause about 9 years ago at aged 52. I am married and had my 2 children in my 30s. In my 40s I was very curious to know what to expect from both a physical and emotional standpoint, it seemed a rather bleak outlook with nothing much to look forward to after ‘The Change’. I even went to a conference on menopause with experts speaking on different topics, like HRT, and I reflected to myself asking, “Isn’t menopause just a natural and normal event in a woman’s reproductive cycle and not a disease?”  Continue reading “Menopause and Me – A New Chapter in life, Listening to My Body and Making Wiser Choices” →

Comparison between Mothers and Daughters

~ womeninlivingness

As the story below shows, when comparison plays out between mothers and daughters, it creates a legacy that keeps women small, stunted and locked in worthlessness for generations.

Recently, a friend shared how her daughter-in-law to be was a beautiful young woman inside and out, but her mother was a little wacky. The three women went together to the bridal dress fitting and when the young bride-to-be drew the curtain back, it was breathtaking to behold her beauty – the glow and delicateness of her; she was gorgeous. My friend noticed how the young woman’s eyes went straight to her mother. When her mother remained silent, the young woman asked “Well, what do you think?” and the mother answered, “If you like it then that’s all that matters”. Born of comparison and jealousy, this comment was designed to crush.

Have we not all done some version of this to another woman, and been on the receiving end of it ourselves?

Continue reading “Comparison between Mothers and Daughters” →

Self-Worth: Honouring the Beautiful Woman I Am

~ womeninlivingness

As women we are coming more to understand and appreciate just how beautiful we really are and that this beauty shines brightly from the inside out. All we need do is allow ourselves to be open and live what feels natural to us in our everyday lives; claiming and confirming our self-worth.

We can nurture our bodies and ourselves by honouring what feels right and accept the way our bodies physically feel and look; we weren’t made to be perfect after all!

But why do we still find ourselves looking to others to acknowledge us or confirm our own beauty and self-worth before we accept ourselves in full? Continue reading “Self-Worth: Honouring the Beautiful Woman I Am” →

My Relationship with Me, Love and Tenderness

~ womeninlivingness

What’s in a relationship, who leads, and how or with what do they lead?

I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and used to blame him for quite a list of things, such as not being emotionally supportive, not understanding me, and not giving me what I thought I needed. I pretended to accept things as they were, even though I was secretly fuming with a poisonous resentment that was eating away at me and draining my energy. Like some kind of self-appointed martyr I assumed that I was always the one leading the way, moving us forward, pulling us up. I kept going round and round in a never-ending maze of mental confusion, wondering how I could ‘solve’ our relationship, as if it were an emotional crossword, the key to which always felt just out of my reach. If only I could spend every hour while I was asleep – as well as the daylight hours – thinking about it, then surely I could solve it, I thought to myself over and over. I went and spoke to counsellors, supposedly taking responsibility but subtly blaming my partner, and always frustrated at having to solve ‘our relationship’ by myself. But the relationship with me was where I needed to start…

Sorting Myself Out and Looking Within

As it turns out, there was no solving or fixing to be done – not mentally, at least. It sounds crazy to me now, but at the time I couldn’t see that first of all I needed to sort myself out – the last place on Earth I’d thought to look, because in my arrogance, I’d assumed I was getting along just fine: I wasn’t dying or debilitated by disease. But if I’d come down from my head and mental thoughts and into my body and feelings, I could have seen all the evidence telling me that, actually, things weren’t so great with me – and maybe that’s where I should start. For starters I felt just how anxious I was most of the time, but just thought that anxiety was who I was; part of my identity and something I’d have to put up with and learn to manage. I felt so sensitive and kept wishing other people would stop reacting so I wouldn’t have to react to their reactions! I was exhausting myself trying to perfect and control my external environment so that I could feel less stressed out. I only ever seemed to feel amazing when I’d done a brilliant piece of work, or was complimented on what I was wearing when I’d made the effort to dress up.

When I abandoned myself in stressful situations and let myself be owned and run by anxiety, I expected my partner to step in and rescue me, and got upset when he stood strong and didn’t pander to my emotional dramas. Now, finally, I’m beginning to take responsibility for myself, learning to stand firm and stay with myself rather than abandoning myself into an abyss of tears and overwhelm.

I realised from looking within that what I wanted from my relationship was what I’d being denying myself – a greater connection to myself and to others, tenderness, love and appreciation for myself as the amazing woman that I am.

Finding Tenderness and Love Within

I used to feel so frustrated at my partner for not treating me with the tenderness I felt I deserved and wasn’t receiving from him. But as my awareness of this fact grew and the heavy fog of emotional reaction began to clear, I started to question how loving I was being towards myself:

  • How could I expect anyone else to treat me tenderly, if I was beating myself up, being harsh on myself and pushing and driving myself with determination to do everything?
  • Why was I waiting for him to show me tenderness, gentleness and love first, instead of being and living all of those qualities myself?
  • What does love look like? – Is it aligning with my partner’s post-work bad mood, so that we can connect through it and I can feel good by ‘helping’ him? Or is it calling it out, and not allowing an insidious and negative energy to run through our home and end with me feeling tension and stress in my body.

Tender ME; Our Tender Relationship

Now I’m starting to let go of the control and experiment with what happens when I take the lead by being myself – truly tender and gentle – first.

How much more amazing would I feel and could our relationship be, if I could hold this love and tenderness within myself no matter what, rather than lose myself in reaction and judgment to his reactions, knowing that I am more than enough as I am already?

What has happened has been a true transformation of our relationship from blame and resentment to a deepening of our love and appreciation. There have been uncomfortable confrontational moments as I re-learn to stand up for myself and express what I’m truly feeling, instead of acting out the safe and known pandering routine. But also there has been more tenderness, gentleness and consistent connection. And most of all there’s a stronger and growing deeper love and respect for myself in expressing and leading from my heart, and feeling how incredible it is to be the powerful, graceful and truly tender woman that I am finally allowing myself to be, and in my relationship too.

by Anonymous, UK

You may also like:

Looking for Love in all the wrong places  …. hear Sharon Gavioli’s journey
to finding Love within.

Finding The One: The Waltz of Romantic Idealism

~ womeninlivingness

I have recently been looking at some of my romantic notions and their origins so that I could choose what to keep and what to let go as I move forward in my life. Contemplating my former addiction to Jane Austen novels and, of course, Mr Darcy, together with my unceasing search for the one, lead me back to my very early childhood and the many times I danced with my Father.

My Dad assures me he used to sing to me and dance with me as a baby and I recall feeling a great sorrow around age 9 when suddenly there was no longer the physical affection there had been prior to this time. When my Dad started to waltz with me as a teenager, this seemed to me a return to those times of warmth and affection. I enjoyed the feeling of being nestled in his arms, although I was advised quite often it’s the man who takes the lead.

Reflecting on these early experiences revealed a surprisingly large can of emotional worms.

Continue reading “Finding The One: The Waltz of Romantic Idealism” →

My Reincarnation through the Menopause

~ womeninlivingness

My menopause began when I was 47 years old and this was at a point in my life when everything was changing. My marriage had come to an end and my daughter and my son were preparing to leave home. Little did I know at that time that this was just the beginning of life, and that I was about to be reincarnated. I use the word ‘reincarnated’ because that is how it feels in retrospect – as though:

All that I had been before was a shadow of the woman I am today.

I am now 69 and the intervening years have been a gradual unfoldment from a point where I felt discarded and where:

I had no concept of how it would be to live life without the recognition of being needed. Continue reading “My Reincarnation through the Menopause” →