5 Motherhood Myths

~ womeninlivingness

I have spent a lot of my mothering time navigating my way through the rules, regulations and rights and wrongs of motherhood. It is an area of life that is so littered with ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ and idealism and beliefs, that I felt it would be fun to shine a light on some of these motherhood myths:

MOTHERHOOD MYTH 1: Caring for myself is indulgent and selfish.

Now this is rampant in society, outside of motherhood as well as in and lots of us come into it with this belief deeply entrenched. Looking back I can see that I was brutal with myself and so dis-respectful, expecting to function on poor sleep, rubbish food, toxins and stimulants. I was aware of the saying that ‘you cannot look after others if you do not look after yourself’, but heard that as: do the minimum for yourself to keep functioning so that you can still look after others. It has taken me some time to break through and really know that I cannot share anything with others unless it is practiced and lived by me. If I want my children to care for themselves, they have to see me caring for myself first. Continue reading “5 Motherhood Myths” →

Beautiful Women: Appreciation Beyond Body Shapes And Looks

~ womeninlivingness

The other day I was watching a Dutch TV program where four well-known Dutch female performers were singing their latest song. I noticed that I went into quite familiar reaction which always seems to pop up when I see certain people on television and especially with one of these women. It feels like I have this immediate irritation come up every time I see her.

This is what happened… Firstly, I mentioned to my partner that I had gotten irritated, which he said he already knew before he walked up the stairs because well, he’s known me for almost 8 years. Then my judgement kicked in, starting with how terrible the song was and followed by judging the women’s appearances. I noticed that one of them (the one I have this instantaneous irritation with) had gained quite a lot of weight, so I said something like this:

Continue reading “Beautiful Women: Appreciation Beyond Body Shapes And Looks” →

Beautiful Women: Appreciation Beyond Body Shapes And Looks

~ womeninlivingness

The other day I was watching a Dutch TV program where four well-known Dutch female performers were singing their latest song. I noticed that I went into quite familiar reaction which always seems to pop up when I see certain people on television and especially with one of these women. It feels like I have this immediate irritation come up every time I see her.

This is what happened… Firstly, I mentioned to my partner that I had gotten irritated, which he said he already knew before he walked up the stairs because well, he’s known me for almost 8 years. Then my judgement kicked in, starting with how terrible the song was and followed by judging the women’s appearances. I noticed that one of them (the one I have this instantaneous irritation with) had gained quite a lot of weight, so I said something like this:

Continue reading “Beautiful Women: Appreciation Beyond Body Shapes And Looks” →

The Roles We Hide In

~ womeninlivingness

Throughout my childhood I took on roles so that the world would see me, and so that I knew who I was.  Sometimes the ‘tidier’, sometimes the ‘wrecker’, sometimes the ‘quiet one’ and sometimes the ‘screamer’.  As time went on I began to cement these roles, becoming known as the peacemaker and carer within my family.

If I had a role then everything made sense.  Without thinking, I could work from the script.

Continue reading “The Roles We Hide In” →

Why Flirt? One Woman’s Discovery

~ womeninlivingness

A boyfriend once said to me that he couldn’t imagine me flirting and suggested I should be less shy and flirt more. Inside I felt self-righteous, that I didn’t stoop that low and incredulous that he should suggest such a thing. Another part of my reaction was feeling sad that I wasn’t accepted the way I was.

FLIRTING – IT’S IN THE EYES

We discussed what constitutes flirting and I concluded that it is about trying to attract another and that it had sexual undertones. However, this boyfriend having said that I should flirt more, recalled a house party that I hosted before we got together, he said, “I felt like you were flirting with your eyes”. Continue reading “Why Flirt? One Woman’s Discovery” →

The Woman, The Mother

~ womeninlivingness
Nicole Serafin - Age 42
Nicole Serafin (Age 42)

Walking into a business this week being complimented on how great I looked, then being met with utter confusion by the clerk as to how I could look so great when she found out I had 2 children (a 6 yr old and a 12 month old), made me ponder on how we women see ourselves when we become mothers.

A lot of women feel a sense of losing their identity after having children – they become someone’s mother. Some also believe it is impossible to maintain the same level of care for themselves when they become mothers. Continue reading “The Woman, The Mother” →

Communicating with Men in my Amazingness

~ womeninlivingness

I have observed myself and my amazingness for a while now and have discovered that I have a tendency to relate to men and women in a different way. I did not feel safe opening up and communicating with men in relationships in the same way I did with women, because there was always a lurking fear that I would be misread. When I wanted to open myself up, I have been scared that men would want more than simply platonic relations. So I never really opened myself fully in my communication with men, and as a result, men could never be fully open to me.

In the past, when I have been relating to men, because of my non-acceptance of myself as I am, I have attached a lot of need towards words given as compliments, such as “you are beautiful”. Continue reading “Communicating with Men in my Amazingness” →

Having a Mastectomy… Prevention against Breast Cancer: A Woman’s Choice – or is it?

~ womeninlivingness

Have you ever considered whether we are being controlled by the latest information? – Take Breast Cancer and Mastectomy, for instance.

In the media there has been a lot of discussion around women having a mastectomy (and in some instances, double mastectomies) as a form of prevention against breast cancer. Much of the information being put forward is that women have one of two choices: “Currently, women facing a strong likelihood of developing breast cancer have only two real options – to have both of their breasts removed (a double mastectomy) or hope that it will never actually happen”. (BBC News Online, 14th May 2013)

This stopped me and got me pondering –

Are these really a woman’s only choices?

And if so, what does this do to a woman’s state of being, when both are based on breast cancer being a pre-determined outcome? When people believe they have no power or choice over a situation they begin to feel a sense of hopelessness – this is termed in the psychological world as ‘learned helplessness’ – a condition by which a person feels they have no control over a situation. In this state they behave in a hopeless manner, overlooking any opportunities for a different choice and feeling they have no ability to change (Peterson, 1996).

BREAST CANCER & MASTECTOMY – PRESENTING AN OPPORTUNITY FOR A DIFFERENT CHOICE

How many women, due to what is being reported in the media etc, are giving up, thinking that their only choice is having a mastectomy if they want to prevent breast cancer and because of this, are overlooking opportunities for a different choice?

Continue reading “Having a Mastectomy… Prevention against Breast Cancer: A Woman’s Choice – or is it?” →

I Don’t NEED a Man

~ womeninlivingness

Until recently I always thought I knew ‘I don’t need a man’, that I am complete without one and if people were to talk about women needing a man to be complete I would think how absurd it is to think that one does. I did not really see this as something for me to know or look into because I agree… one should not feel as if they are not complete without another.

On a personal level I could not stand ‘neediness’ anyway, it just did not make sense to need someone in that way and so if ever this topic was mentioned I thought, yes I already know about this and have always ‘known’ it… so I never gave any thought to it again.

WELL … Continue reading “I Don’t NEED a Man” →