by Priscila, UK
“What does it mean to be a woman? And what does it mean to be a true woman?”
When I first attended an Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) talk, I couldn’t understand why the women were talking about being a ‘woman’. I couldn’t understand – how could a woman find it difficult to be a woman?
Up until that moment I considered myself a ‘super woman’, in all senses. Having grown up in Brazil where appearances count a lot, I got used to doing all the girlie things: I would have my nails done regularly, take good care of my skin and hair (dermatologist consultations three times a year!), wear make-up, do exercise to show a toned and fit body, dress in a very feminine way, wearing skirts, dresses, accessories, high heels…
I was also a ‘super woman’ in all other aspects of my life: very efficient, a great housewife, intelligent, well educated, successful, friendly, very dedicated to my family and friends… but interestingly, even ticking all the boxes of the ‘super woman’, I was still trying to better myself (physically, emotionally, professionally) – it was never enough. So I was there at the EBM talk, listening to women talking about nurturing yourself, taking care of yourself, taking notice when you are doing things too hard… and there was a part of me that was saying “I am a woman already, I know it all…”
However, the other part of me couldn’t deny what I was feeling. There was something different in the women presenting the talk. The way they were speaking, the way they were moving… there was something different which later became evident during the sessions I had with these women, and by working with one of them in particular, Sara Williams.
I remember going for a session with Sara and I was dressed in a very feminine way. I was wearing a skirt, make-up and high heels, and I was surprised to see that, even though she was not wearing any make-up, nor a skirt or a dress, I found her the most beautiful woman – and she didn’t have any ‘apparatus’. I remember being so impressed with the way she placed her hands on her legs while we were talking – there was a ‘lightness’ in that, a delicateness. I came home after the session (and you are allowed to laugh!), and I sat and placed my hands on my legs and I simply couldn’t do that – my arms felt so heavy, and so did my hands, and all I could feel was how heavy my chest and upper body were. It was a bit of a shock as that seemed like a ‘natural’ position, but it was very revealing for me to feel how hardened I was.
The more I observed Sara, the more she inspired me. Little nuances, details, like the way she opened the doors, her posture, the tone of her voice. And it was equally amazing to see how active and efficient she was in the workplace. She did work with deadlines to meet and there were busy days, some days working extra hours, but her quality remained the same, she had this steadiness, the same delicateness and ‘lightness’.
Things then started making sense for me. I started discerning that it was not just about appearances – how things look. There was more, there was this ‘quality’ I was sensing, this essence, this natural beauty which had nothing to do with my ideal of what a woman was. Then later, when I saw Sara wearing make up or wearing a dress and high heels, this same quality remained. For me, it seemed like she didn’t want to impress anyone or look a certain way, it was just that beauty of hers being expressed out, like the cherry at the top of the cake!
Yes, I am a very beautiful woman on the outside; I tick all the boxes of what it means to be a woman in the physical sense. However, I was not living from this quality inside, this essence, this natural beauty.
When I felt this, my sessions with Esoteric practitioners from Universal Medicine, the Esoteric Presentations for Women, and the Esoteric Developers Women’s Group started making more sense. It’s very inspiring to listen to both the women presenting as well as the women from the audience – there is a similarity within both, something you can relate to yourself so you do not feel alone, you feel supported.
Slowly I came to feel my body more. On my first Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) I didn’t feel my breasts; they were numb as I was numb. I came to understand that my life was lived in a raciness, life was an urgent thing to deal with, and when there was no urgency, I would create tonnes of activities and distractions. I was always busy, work-wise or pleasure-wise, non-stop.
Looking back I can honestly say that trying to be the super woman took me away from the true woman I am naturally. The life I had created for myself, a life of doings, pursuits, achievements – always trying to improve myself in any way I could – left me hard, driven, and disconnected to myself.
My body had been shouting at me long ago, from my teenage years. My period symptoms included pain, mood, appetite and sleep irregularities, and I would refuse to take any medication (I was strong!), as that for me was a sign of what it meant to be a woman. I stopped having my period in my 20’s when I was also diagnosed with hormonal irregularities and haven’t had a period since then except when using hormonal medication and contraceptive pills.
Being a true woman is something I am just starting to understand and allow myself to feel. There was a point when I did want to get rid of all I’ve done to look like a woman: no more make-up, no more housewife role, no more high heels… But that didn’t work either, that also felt hard in my body.
Today, I feel my body is becoming more natural, less hard and my movements are more delicate. And I am learning that I am beautiful already and I don’t need to become anything or do something to achieve it, that I can be efficient and dedicated to work without compromising myself and that self-criticism makes me feel even harder.
Today I love a lot of girlie things: make up, having my nails done, dressing, skirts, high heels, facials, warming up the Esoteric Breast Massage cream I apply on my breasts (by the way, I use one of those oil diffusers) – I love taking care of myself. These activities that once were done to impress the world are now things that I do for myself and I enjoy doing. I love taking care of the house as well and leaving a touch of beauty in what I do. I don’t try to be the perfect 24/7 housewife, and I have learned to ask for help when it’s needed.
It’s been a loving learning process. Sometimes I find myself going into auto-pilot in the way I do my make-up to go to work, or dressing for a specific place, without feeling what it is that I really want to wear on that day. But that’s ok also – it just shows me the way I’ve done things for so long.
I love all modalities of treatments presented by Serge Benhayon through Universal Medicine. However, I must say there is something special about the modalities brought specifically for women under the banner of Esoteric Women’s Health. You feel the dedication, something that was created for you, it’s very honouring. These modalities are here to confirm that the true woman is inside us, hence why I feel these sessions are so powerful and special. It’s not about going somewhere, becoming, doing or achieving something – it’s about confirming the true women we are within.