by Donna Gianniotis, Yoga Teacher, Sydney, Australia
I couldn’t help but feel the joy and the loveliness in the room at the recently held Women’s Group Presentation hosted by Natalie Benhayon in Sydney.
This led me to ponder – I’ve been in many a room with women only, but why did this feel different?
The answer revealed itself throughout the afternoon: my conclusion being that here we were, a group of close to 100 women openly expressing in our honesty about how we live our lives. We explored various challenges that we may face living as women today, with one of the biggest of these being how we, as women, tend to want to ‘fit in’. And how ‘fitting in’ takes us away from keeping our own personal rhythms that could truly support us and allow us a deeper connection to ourselves.
I could personally relate to this as a theme, as could many other women in the room. Some of the examples that were discussed are: talking because we feel like we should (not being OK with silence); feelings of being submissive to men and fitting in with how we think they would like us to be; how we were as teenagers in the schoolyard conforming and how we haven’t really evolved too much… we are still trying to fit in but now it’s with the Mums at school pick-up, to the other women at the gym, to being a great mother, wife / partner. These are just to name a few
Since the meeting with Natalie Benhayon and all the other women that day, I have been pondering on this myself and am somewhat amazed at just how much I am influenced by this notion of ‘fitting in’… and now that I am aware of this, I see that it’s everywhere.
An example that came up for me yesterday is that next week I’m attending a memorial service for a friend of mine’s father who recently passed away. In all honesty, one of the first thoughts that came to mind is “What am I going to wear?”. And I can see that this is a common theme for me whenever there is an event that I am attending.
If I think back over the last several months, I can see numerous events that this has come up for me; my 20 year school reunion, Christmas with the family, a wedding, a friend’s art exhibition opening – and the common theme I can see here is related to ‘fitting in’, wanting to be accepted by others.
But this one is a sly one – it’s not as simple as just fitting in. And as I explore this as I write, I’m starting to understand it a little more. It is the idea that I want to ‘fit in’ – but still feel unique / like an individual. And I feel that I can express this in how I dress. It’s interesting as I have been aware of this over the past year, and I have felt the anxiousness in my body leading up to the event as I decide what it is I want to wear. The bigger the value I hold for the event e.g. 20 year school reunion, the more anxiousness. I’ve been aware that I have wanted to ‘fit in’ by wearing the appropriate thing – but also wanting to have something that allows me to express who I am and feel like an individual.
So where to from here? What if I could let go of the ‘having to fit in’ and simply dress how I feel to – without the concern or anxiousness around not being too ‘out there’? Now how would that feel?
I have managed to do this a couple of times (when it hasn’t been an ‘important event’) and it feels very different. I feel like me, I feel comfortable in my own skin, and I feel the loveliness of who I am as a woman. I am honoring the woman that I am and not conforming to something outside of myself, and this means that I don’t have the anxiousness as I can stay with myself. Wow! What a difference. A big part of this process has been to really stay connected to myself as I choose an outfit, as I shower, as I lovingly dress, as I do my make-up. Not to rush, but to really allow the time and space to really be with myself.
I’m aware that the more consciousness I bring to how I live in each moment, the more it allows the opportunity to deepen my connection to myself, and in turn allows for me to truly live as me – rather than conforming or ‘trying to fit in’.