About a year ago it became very clear that I needed to upgrade my bed mattress and my couch. There wasn’t anything structurally or practically wrong with them, but over the last few years I had let go of a lot of hardness in my body, so both my mattress and couch now felt too hard and it was clear that it was time to step up to the next level of love that my body was calling out for.
Now, I was raised in a family that didn’t have much money and so we had very little to spend on ourselves. Watching my father was how I learnt to unashamedly bargain, so in later years when I wanted to be frugal with my money, that was easy for me. So growing up and spending money on things for me was quite new.
In my 20’s I was mad on game shows and did quite well, winning lots of great prizes. The $5,000 worth of Stanley Rogers cutlery sets was one of them that sat in my cupboard for over 10 years, because in my eyes they were just too good and expensive for my house rental. But then one day I began to question… was I not equally as precious? And finally about 2 years ago, out they came to grace my cutlery draw.
My mother disappeared when I was about 12 / 13 years old – I can’t remember the exact age because I have blocked out quite a bit of my childhood memories. My father did the best he could to raise three kids as a single parent: in hindsight I can see the strong male influence I had as a role model and the subsequent choices I then made. And there really weren’t any Greek women that were role models for what inspires me as a woman today… the qualities of tenderness, gentleness, fragility, honouring and trusting what I feel. On the most part my female role models were loud, bossy, pushed through the day to get things done, endlessly pleasing others at their own expense and generally saw themselves as less than men. I hated this last point and spent a considerable amount of time in my life rebelling against this and proving my worth as a woman to be equal to that of men – alas at the expense of my natural girly and womanly ways. All of these learned ways and behaviours came about as a result of many generations of women and men who mostly never questioned the status quo.
So you can probably understand why it took me a year to finally get around to buying a mattress – mostly because I was just not used to cherishing myself and was questioning if it was an indulgent purchase. But I have evolved quite a bit in recent years thanks to the teachings of Universal Medicine, including the awesome Esoteric Women’s Developer groups that have inspired me to honour what feels right in my body and deepen my level of self-care. So over time I have come to the understanding that I am worth it. In these groups I have role models that are truly inspiring in the way they choose to live and hold themselves as women. And it is not that I look at them to copy, but rather a reflection that they offer that I know to be true within me to – should I make the choice to claim that inner-knowing for myself. From a practical perspective, we spend about a third of each day in our beds so it makes sense to invest in a mattress that is super duper comfy – it is a great investment… an investment in me as I now know that I am worth it.
It also took me a long time to finally get around to buying something because I thought that I needed days of looking and lying on beds to make sure that I got the perfect mattress for me… especially if I was going to spend a lot of money. So for this reason every time I thought about starting the shopping process, overwhelm took over and it kept getting put to the bottom of the list. I had this picture that it was going to be a long and hard process to choose something that was right for me; what if I chose the wrong one? That would set the panic button on! But one Friday afternoon I just decided that I would go into a store and have a look and start the process – no pressure to buy something, despite the many sales on. So off I went in search of the most divine mattress for me…
To my surprise I had the most delightful and easy time with Andrew the salesman, walking all around the store, lying on different beds, feeling each one and whether it was right for me. I wanted a mattress that as soon as I lay down I felt hugged and caressed with a level of softness that was both supportive, but super yummy. I didn’t do any internet research on mattresses, I just knew it had to feel right when I lay down. So Andrew followed me around the store as I laid on each bed feeling my way… until I just knew which one was for me. And to my surprise, I was out the door in less than an hour having made a purchase! Go figure! I chose the premium plush pillow-top model that ticked all the boxes. Shopping can really rock!
As we sat at his sales desk doing the paperwork, Andrew asked what my occupation was which led to us talking about his health, food and self-care in general. We talked for quite a while and I could see how this connection really lifted his day… it was such a joy just being with him and laughing. The bonus – a discount on my mattress without even trying – ha ha! What I thought in my head was going to be a painful experience, unfolded with such ease, simplicity and fun – my heart felt nourished and as I left the store I was smiling with joy knowing that Andrew also enjoyed the hearty connection.
So back to my mattress… now that I had a taste of paradise I just couldn’t wait for my mattress to arrive; it felt like a long week of waiting. When it finally did, I just knew I was going to bed early that night. I had never looked forward to going to bed as much as I did this night! What was to follow I would never have predicted… as the evening set in I started preparing for my bedtime in a way that I had never done before. The new mattress was commanding a preparation that was not unlike preparing for a hot date… but I had a date with my new mattress and I was excited. And so a most loving and cherishing bed preparation was to unfold… I had to have a shower, spray perfume on my body, the ambiance had to be just right, I massaged my feet with some yummy moisturiser and my bed was dressed in my best cotton 1000 thread count sheets that were recently bought. It’s a wonder I didn’t shave my legs too. Anyone watching would have thought I was preparing for a date! Yet, it was a date with my bed, but really it was a date with me… an honouring that I deserved the most yummiest of beds to sleep on. I could truly feel the gift I had given to myself.
As soon as I lay in my bed it was the most divine hug to my body… I could feel myself able to sink into the fluffy cloud softness that the pillow-top provided.
And Oh yeah… I could feel it was going to be a good night!
Buying my new mattress was one of the most awesome investments I have made in a long time and who would have thought that it could be so much fun! I so look forward to snuggling in my bed each night to nurture me and rest my body for the day ahead. I love how the pillow-top invites me to sink and let go of my day and I love how it greets me with a tender hug each morning.
What is most interesting now is that the new mattress has commanded a new bed base and bedroom furniture… the old just had to go to make way for the new. I am really loving my bedroom now – and how I am cherishing me so much more. As the redecorating unfolds in my bedroom so does the internal redecorating of me… it is a beautiful unfolding of the inside and out – A letting go of the old patterns of hardness that just can’t live here anymore.
By Anonymous