by Francene Cartaar, Australia
Have you ever felt you were going a little crazy? – well, I have. My world shook in September 2001 when I started experiencing migraines with such force and power that I felt like my head was going to split open. This was the beginning of a decade of searching for answers and cures. Each time I would ‘plant’ myself on the table of a doctor or health practitioner with the belief that they could ‘fix me’.
Then I had an appointment with Serge Benhayon at Universal Medicine about 3 years ago. As well as being eager and nervous at the same time, I must confess to going to the appointment with the hope of being ‘fixed’ and ‘told the answers’. Never before had I experienced a consultation like this. The depth of understanding offered to me was amazing, but also made so much sense when I considered how I had been living. Was it possible that my resentment and frustration towards the demands I, and others, placed on myself could be something I needed to look at? Surely not… my body and my emotions were separate, weren’t they? Of course I also had the family history of migraines and I was entering that change in hormones time of my life. I recalled only too clearly cooking the family dinner with the word ‘resentful’ constantly coming to me. But how could this be, it was my job to do this and I had always managed this role in our household in addition to working full-time etc, without any ill feeling. After a short massage which left me feeling very relaxed and a grateful hug I was on my merry way – albeit floaty from the massage, but still a little unsure.
I continued feeling encouraged though that I had been given a clue. I battled through and continued to visit doctors and health practitioners, and suffer migraines. I started to notice a pattern though. My migraines were worse at full moon time – now I knew I was really going crazy!! No doctor or health practitioner was able to offer any explanation when I mentioned this fact, and I would leave feeling a bit embarrassed, lost, and still in pain.
I battled on but ultimately decided that I needed to not be working for a while (this turned out to be 2 years). I continued to run the household of husband and two teenagers and suffer migraines. If I was going to be ‘crazy’ and in pain at full moon, at least I could do it in privacy.
I continued on – realising that wanting someone to tell me what to do, or give me the reason, was not the way to go – because it certainly had not worked so far. I needed to be brave and dive into the deep end myself – but how to do this?
Next, I discovered esoteric yoga. How hard could it be to sit on my backside, move my legs a little and then lie down and relax? This is when I really discovered that my brain was totally separate to my body in just about everything I did. My very busy brain required lots of gentle coaxing and direction to be with me and not planning dinner for that night! When I left my first class I experienced myself as never before. Again, another clue.
The next big clue was attending an Esoteric Women’s Group presentation by Natalie Benhayon. Wow, the pulse of the room combined with the reluctant power, love, fragility and hurts of a room full of women was certainly palpable. This was not a women’s lib meeting but so deeply loving, revealing and confronting at the same time. Some home truths were really exposed here as I squirmed in my seat and was bewildered by the many roles I had given myself. The roles would cause demands, which would lead to my feelings of frustration and resentment, and before I knew it I had gone full circle. Was it possible that deep inside me there was actually ‘the woman’ – not the mother, the wife, the good worker etc.? Deep down there was a ‘woman’ – who knew? Somehow this had been lost in the busy-ness of life. Another clue.
A further more specific clue and revelation for me was a later presentation by Natalie that spoke specifically of the moon and the female cycle. Now I finally had some clear understanding and it all made sense. I did not need to commit myself to the mental home, just commit to myself! How had I been running myself in the month leading up to the moon? Again another pattern and another clue! Was it possible that I should work with the moon instead of dreading it? Perhaps my body could give me some answers if only I could be brave enough to be quiet and listen. Another clue.
I then found a certain issue creeping into my mind regularly. Now, this really made me feel uncomfortable because I thought this had been well and truly buried. But it kept being there, and at the same time I felt a strong urge to have an Esoteric Breast Massage. I resisted this for many months as I knew little of what was involved, and also thought how weird it would be having another female massage your breasts and how would this help me!? I came across an introductory talk on what an Esoteric Breast Massage was and attended. My regurgitated issue was starting to make sense. I needed to deal with this and not leave it festering in my body. Another clue.
I plucked up the courage and booked an Esoteric Breast Massage. What a truly loving, humbling and uplifting experience this was, despite my initial embarrassment (would the size of my breasts be assessed, and should I wear my ‘good’ bra?). The level of tenderness and understanding soon relaxed and reassured me and any embarrassment was lost. I left feeling like a load had been lifted and that it was crucial as a female to have regular Esoteric Breast Massages. It was like my tune-up, but really a ‘tune-in’. Another clue.
So now, for me, my family feels safe being around me at full moon and I continue to develop an understanding of my own natural, beautiful rhythm. I regularly make time for myself and consult practitioners when required. What is most supportive and empowering is the consistent level of love and tenderness I have experienced. How fortunate I have been to have stumbled on the Universal Medicine clue. I am so very grateful for being the fun ‘me’ again as it is the most loveliest feeling of all. I still suffer with occasional migraines, but generally without the severity and now with more understanding. Thank you.