by Cherise Holt, Nurse, Brisbane, Australia
As a little girl overjoyed to be a flower girl at a family wedding, I watched as a man and a woman proclaimed their love for each other: “I do – ‘til death do us part”. I believed I would grow up to marry a man whom I too would love forever. It appeared to me that is just what women did.
As a teenager I contended with low self-esteem, low self-worth, emotional issues, family loss and grief. I wanted a partner now more than ever, and I recall one day sharing tearfully to my mum, “I won’t ever have a boyfriend!”. And if I didn’t find one, would I be alone forever? Or perhaps worse still – who would I be in life?
When I was 16 I met a young man who told me he loved me… I thought “This was it! This must be true love!”. We shared a beautiful wedding ceremony when we were 21 and I eagerly discussed our future plans to have children as I knew I always wanted them. In fact, I believed I was pre-destined to be a mother.
I also simply thought motherhood was what women did. If they weren’t mothers I believed there had to be some medical reason as to why not. I assumed women who weren’t married were perhaps spinsters, which I understood to mean that they were just choosing to be different, in contradiction to what I perceived to be ‘normal’ in our society. And some women placed emphasis on their careers, whereas I once placed mine on marriage and family.
At age 27 my marriage ended, for me seemingly unexpectedly. At the time, the grief I felt was predominantly for ‘the life’ I had created that I thought I had lost i.e. marriage and motherhood. I recall a moment at this time wishing that I was pregnant so at least I would still ‘be someone’… ‘have something’. That having a baby would mean I would have someone to love, or perhaps still have someone who would love me back.
As everything in my life up to this point had been dramatically altered, I was now questioning who I was in life, and my purpose. I had invested my all into fulfilling my own and society’s ideals of the woman I thought I was to be. But now, without marriage and motherhood, who was I?
I once felt I needed a man and my own family to bring a sense of completion and fulfilment to my life, in order to uphold the ideals of the woman I chose to be. It was ‘the girlfriend’, ‘wife’, ‘mother’, ‘family role’ that I wanted to fill. But today I feel how beautiful and simple life can be, just to be a woman. I’m not striving to be identified by any chosen ideal or role, such as – the ‘successful career woman’, ‘nurturing mother’, ‘loving wife’ or even ‘devoted friend’. I have observed how the identification of a woman and hence her role in life to be and to be fulfilled is so deeply seated within our society.
How do women truly know what it feels like to just be a woman, first and foremost?
I was once so buried under my beliefs of what it was to be a woman that I may never have contemplated this – not until I met some of the women practitioners of Universal Medicine, and also other women who have developed a deep connection and honouring of themselves as women first. Such women inspire me every day to be tender, deeply self-loving and honouring of myself, too.
I don’t feel like I need to have children of my own to complete an ideal picture of what a ‘successful woman’, or indeed ‘a mother’, is. I presently feel so lucky to have a beautiful niece and nephew in my life, and contact with other children. As it was for me as a child, it was not only my two parents who were the adults around, supporting me; I am appreciative of the connection I now have with these kids. To me it makes no difference whether or not they are my own.
At age 29 years, I can feel I am simply beginning to bloom into myself as a woman. The most essential relationship I hold is deep within me. To live lovingly of me and my body has felt to be a brand new and welcomed concept that feels so self-supportive. To leave behind the old ideals and beliefs of who I thought I was meant to be in my life creates a new space to adore and cherish who I really am.
I am amazed by the beauty I see in other women… we are so unique; and I feel so appreciative of the tenderness I equally find in every man. As I continue to choose bringing more self-love, honouring and simplicity into my daily life, I am uncovering how lovely it feels to live naturally as a woman.