by Zofia, Asia
WHAT DO MEN LOOK FOR IN WOMEN?
When I’ve asked guys about what it is they actually love about a woman, one they are perhaps dating or otherwise, the response is usually to do with any of the following…
- Having nice or big eyes
- Good skin or body
- Long hair
- Good dress sense
- Perfume
- Being a good laugh, funny
- Confidence
But WHAT ELSE captures a guy’s interest apart from the physical look of a woman or her personality traits?
I know that in the past and measuring myself up against such physical attributes would confirm to me that I was ‘beautiful’ and hence ‘dateable’, even though inside was the feeling of
- Being misunderstood
- That the guy I dated never really ‘got’ me
- That he never really ‘saw the real-me’ or
- That a deeper connection (I was looking for) felt missing, was absent
DATING CHECKLISTS
For men, a woman’s physical look is more often the draw as it is a visual checklist, whilst for women, our checklists tend to be about his type of JOB or PROFESSION, how successful he might be (SECURITY and MONEY), his age (typically OLDER), his background or past, and so a picture of what the future together might look like…
Such checklists of both sexes centre attention and focus on an outer and tangible reality providing reasonable rationale or sense as to why 2 people are with each other – “the successful guy gets the beautiful girl…”
WHAT DOES BEAUTY LOOK LIKE?
‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’
Surely! But what EXACTLY is Beauty?
- Can one develop and become MORE BEAUTIFUL?
- Could a woman who does not have symmetrical features, youth, good looks, skin, hair and teeth, be regarded as ‘being beautiful’ in the traditional sense?
There are so many myths and conditions that surround what Beauty looks like.
DOVE VIRAL VIDEO – ‘YOU ARE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU THINK’
The recent Dove viral video has received countless hits which expose the societal belief that we women have a hard time realising or seeing our own beauty, i.e. that others see our own beauty more than we ourselves do. True. It illustrates that OUR DEFAULT POSITION IS FOCUSSED ON THE NEGATIVE or being CRITICAL OF OURSELVES, and that we never really centre on the positive aspects. True again.
In the viral, an artist behind a screen paints a woman based on questions he asks about her own physicality, and then asks those same questions of another woman about that same lady. The resulting 2 pictures are drawn differently, hence are shown to highlight the above held perceptions and beliefs, with the second lady being far more appreciative of the other’s beauty than the woman can manage herself, thus confirming “you are more beautiful than you think”.
And whilst this default position of being self-critical and blocking our own beauty from being seen may be a sad fact in our society – that’s appreciatively being noted via this video – the viral itself really only further cements the more deeply-ingrained and already held societal belief and perception that what we look like, our outer appearance and physical look, is what gets us noticed and makes us worthy of appreciation… thus compounding the notion of ‘our looks’ being ‘of importance’, and affirming to women and others that the level of one’s beauty is being both determined and MEASURED not just by ourselves (our own worst enemy), but also by others. In every moment
THE MEASUREMENT OF BEAUTY
Beauty is not a measurable yardstick, and it (beauty) is only ‘skin-deep’. And for some people side-stepping the superficiality of looks, a person’s job, or the amount of money or time they give away to other people or to charities, may qualify them as being ‘a beautiful person’.
Though looks, money and the nature of our jobs alone do not make a person beautiful!
There are countless very physically beautiful and well turned-out people, models, celebrities etc. with lots of money (and time) to support them in this image of ‘beauty’ they demonstrate. Though, and as can often be the case, the person’s eyes may tell a very different (and opposite) story to what their beautiful-looking outer is portraying by the way they might be conducting, behaving, or treating themselves and also others – that is far from being full of beauty!
So back to the Dove viral video: what if the artist had asked these women to share a time or experience they enjoyed AND THEN related that back to the physical features?
For example;
- A time when they enjoyed a stroll on a bright sunny day – how did their face look?
- Or held a new born baby – how did their cheeks feel?
- An occasion where they put on make-up for a special event – how did their eyes ‘speak’?
- Wearing something they felt gorgeous and lovely in – how did their hips move; how did they enter the room?
And THEN draw the woman?!
Perhaps then we might get to see a woman’s real beauty there shining. And that it’s been present in all those things she’s enjoyed doing, or felt a joy and naturalness with…
And perhaps even connecting to such examples of joy may help unearth and highlight the beauty she does in fact already have WITHIN HERSELF – so that she needs not ask another to value or mark her own beauty since she’s able to FEEL and then SEE this quality being reflected back to her in the drawing…
DEFINING BEAUTY
So could one’s choices that lead to activities or a physical movement of the body, reflect or emanate our beauty-fullness?
Our face, jawline, eyes or complexion can all show when life is being lived with busyness, exhaustion, angst, stress, depression etc. and so too when it’s being lived the opposite with balance, love, joy and sparkle…
Hence, BEAUTY IS ABOUT QUALITY – i.e. the quality we live (our lives) in.
Beauty is an intangible inner-quality that can be felt, in spite of one’s looks, money or profession. This (inner) quality, or beauty, becomes tangible into ‘visible sight’ to others by our ability to make quality choices that are intentional and IN RESPECT OF ONE’S PHYSICAL frame/BODY. This choice (to include the body and how it feels) then affects its natural movement and expression or actions – such as the way we sit, walk, stand, eat, speak or interact etc. This choice is one that is also intentional and confirms that BEAUTY actually arises from an INTENDED QUALITY that precedes any action or expression. This intended quality creates ‘A WAY OF BEING’ – one that is NATURAL to the body. In this naturalness lies THE way of being which forms the foundation for what comes next…
Hence, Beauty is AN EASE and NATURALNESS that is easily seen from the way we are living. This naturalness gives way to true confidence.
Just as the ‘way of being’ of someone who’s stressed and another who’s balanced may be very different, we might also see this reflected in how they both look physically.
DEVELOPING BEAUTY
So Beauty can be developed via connecting to feeling that we have ‘a quality’ that can be our guiding and living truth, becoming the ‘way of being and also living’ for us. for example, our body responds with tenderness when we see and hold a new-born and our eyes may automatically shine joy; this then confirms the beauty we feel inside ourselves which we see being reflected by the baby. So then to encourage such reflections in life that may affirm our own and already PRESENT beauty.
BEAUTY’S ANSWER
By learning and getting to feel our own beauty, others get to see it too: no longer is the need for others to state “you are more beautiful than you think” (as per the Dove viral video). Because we don’t think, instead we KNOW it because we can FEEL it in our QUALITY of natural being.