by Dragana Brown, London, UK
There is a misapprehension (or two, or three…) and a certain (stale) air around menopause which says (in an unspoken way) that a woman has reached her best before – or even worse, her expiry date – when menopause looms.
So what happens if the ‘use by’ date occurs during your unripe and not ready-to-be-written-off-the-shelf age?
I gave birth at 32. A few years afterwards I started to feel strange, as in something was going on in my body that I could not explain or comprehend. Medical professionals were consulted – again nothing conclusive. Because menopause was not meant to be anywhere on the horizon, exploring this avenue didn’t come into the equation. Mood swings, headaches, peculiar feelings in the body were never considered possible hints that menopause was tapping on my door.
Then suddenly there was a little voice from my inner-most which impulsed me to request a test to find out if there was even a remote chance that I could be peri-menopausal. When the result came back positive I was not surprised, however everyone I knew, including the doctors, were stunned, saying it was way too early.
There also appears to be a belief – only based on what seems to be the experience of the majority of women, but latently (or not so) imposed upon all women – that this phase in a woman’s life ought to come at a certain age or thereabouts. Anything before gets labelled premature, anything after, late. It’s this word premature that carries so much negative connotation – like a child born prematurely – something that is not meant to happen at that particular time and because it did, something was wrong!
My mother kept repeating to me how she was 55 when she got to menopause, my aunty 57 and every female in my vicinity went through menopause well after they reached 50. These generally superfluous pieces of information did not help me feel any better about the timing of my menopause. I disenabled myself from enjoying menopause because I successfully put an age to it.
Sadly, since I bought in this way of thinking, I started feeling sorry for myself – Why me? and Why so early?
There has been a feeling, a knowing in my body that tells me my peri-menopause lasted for years because I kept fighting it, instead of embracing it. This man-made too early conviction kept getting cemented within my body, leaving no room for opening and allowing for this most natural process to take place, not when any expert or anyone else thought it was due or normal but when IT (THE BODY I CARRY) KNEW IT WAS THE RIGHT TIME. No different to knowing when it wants to eat, sleep, drink, wee, poo….
How could anyone but a woman herself truly know when she has reached menopause?
It is not like one makes an appointment with menopause so a time, date and year can be arranged, and if IT arrives earlier – boo, it’s premature and if beyond the fixed term oh, no! it’s late.
There can be NOBODY who knows our body better then we do individually. Yet, often we’d rather rely and have somebody else tells us what is going on, or what we are feeling.
Having gone through menopause I have learned that there is a true depth and wisdom that accompanies this stage in a woman’s life, though so many women (and men!) dread the very word. Yet, it does not have to be that way.
There always is a choice to experience menopause in a totally different light however, it helps to learn to not fight this important period in our life. A woman in menopause can be fun and playful and witty too. This is a time in her life where she develops a greater connection to herself, shedding the ‘poisoned chalice’ notion that others (particularly children and family) come first and she comes second. It is a stage in woman’s time on earth when she ceases to live her life for others. Woman in menopause is a carrier and a great source of wisdom that is deeply nurturing and deeply caring for everyone around her.
A Woman in menopause is Sacred, her eyes can reflect that.