by Adrienne Hutchins, newly married, Qld, Australia
I hadn’t realized how many choices in my life were made as a girl in ‘waiting’: waiting to find a partner, fall in love, say ‘I do’, become a woman, start a family and grow old with someone. I bided my time as I waited for my marriage to happen, for life to begin.
Actually, I was a polygamist because in between I married my job, my studies, my trips away, my books, my family: these kept me occupied while waiting for the ‘real’ marriage to come. In all of this I totally missed that truly my first marriage is to myself. I always wanted to marry my best friend and shouldn’t that be me?
When there is no marriage to myself, no ‘I do’ take this gorgeous, precious, beautiful woman to have and to hold, to love, honour and cherish all the days of my life, there is no commitment in me to me. Instead I am forever waiting, seeking, needing (demanding) to be treated this way by another, for it to come to me from another. To be seen, adored and loved by someone. No pressure, guys!
In this scenario, the longer I wait the more desperate and undiscerning I become… time is running out, my shelf life is expiring, my value depreciating and why aren’t the customers choosing me? What’s wrong with me? I’d better try harder to make myself more attractive, good enough to be wanted… or maybe just give up, not try at all and open the floodgates on donuts, chocolate, chips and dvds (romance ones of course)… and disappear in a pool of self pity.
What if ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’, that is from outside of me, is just a decoy away from the true and only source of love…. within. What if all the effort and need to get someone to say ‘I do’ to me, or getting a supplementary ‘I do’ from my work, or my studies instead, actually lands me in the do-do and takes me further away from the only ‘I do’ that counts – the one that comes from me to me.
Marriage is regarded as the ultimate form of relationship with an ‘in writing’ legally-binding commitment. But it is also said that all great relationships start with friendship, so…
- How do I go in the friendship stakes with myself?
- How do I care, support, encourage and love myself?
- How often am I there for me to listen to what is going on, ask how my day was, to play and laugh and have fun?
- What level of honesty am I prepared to share with myself – Will I let myself in? or Will I hold back in case it doesn’t work out?
- What about trust? – can I depend on me to live responsibly, to choose wisely, to not be afraid of making mistakes and when I do, not punish myself for them?
- Or does my behaviour towards myself have me filing for divorce?
At a recent Universal Medicine Women’s Group presentation by Jenny Ellis and Mary-Louise Myers, I came to realize that there is such a wealth of love I hold back from myself when I overlook that my first marriage – that ultimate level of relationship – is to me.
As I begin to seek me, instead of waiting to be sought by another, it is the beginning of a life long love affair. Without this first marriage to myself being nurtured and tended to with great love and respect, all other marriages are compromised.
When I say ‘I do’ to me first, it is a union that supports all other relationships in ways that fairytales could never imagine.
Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine