by Anonymous
I had my first routine breast exam with my GP around the age of 25. This experience was incredibly traumatic for me despite the fact that my lovely doctor carried out the exam in a very gentle, caring and respectful way. As my doctor carried out the exam I completely left my body; I felt like bursting into tears as deep feelings of shame and humiliation consumed me. I decided that I would rather have undetected breast cancer than put myself through something so horrible ever again, and that my first breast exam would also be my very last.
My reaction to having a breast exam shocked me to the core at the time, however I brushed it off as an embarrassing experience at the doctor’s and got on with my life, safe in the knowledge that I would just not let anyone carry out a breast exam on me again. I wasn’t ready to let myself feel what was behind my reaction at that time.
So it is no surprise that when I first heard about Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) that I thought it sounded like a pretty ‘out there’ kind of modality and something that I would be very reluctant to try. When a trusted Universal Medicine practitioner first suggested an Esoteric Breast Massage I understood that my breasts and my body would be revealing to me what I needed to deal with. I could feel I had locked away so many painful memories and it made sense to me that my body held the answers. I had been experiencing the way my body was communicating with me through my food intake and digestion so it made perfect sense that my breasts could communicate with me too. I was dedicated to developing a relationship with my body and I knew that communication through my breasts would be essential to developing this relationship.
Given my reaction to the routine breast exam I had undergone five years previously, I was very nervous about my first EBM. At the same time I felt that I was ready to start listening to what my body had to say.
In re-connecting to my breasts I also had to acknowledge that I had ignored them for almost 20 years.
During my first EBM the feelings I thought I had successfully buried began to resurface. I could feel that my attention left my body a lot during the treatment and the memories that surfaced were sometimes challenging to deal with: physically I sometimes wanted to squirm or leave despite the fact that I could feel that I was being touched in the most tender and loving way I could imagine. I stayed with it though, and eventually I was absolutely amazed at the love and beauty I could feel within my breasts and my entire body.
Now after many Esoteric Breast Massages I can honestly say that to have an EBM is to experience true loving touch and I can truly feel how delicate, beautiful and exquisite I really am. When I have an EBM now I immediately begin to reconnect to my loving and graceful presence, I can feel a warmth in my chest that radiates throughout my entire body and I feel the strength and power that resides in my delicate body. When the session is over I am left feeling the same way and people often comment on how lovely I feel as I go about my day.
The EBMs have opened up a beautiful communication between my breasts and I – and I now treat my breasts with tenderness and respect.
So recently, when my doctor suggested I undergo a breast exam after my pap smear I agreed to have the exam immediately. Seven years had passed since I had declared that I would never undergo another breast exam but I now felt very differently about my breasts, and absolutely at ease with my body. This doctor seemed uncomfortable and awkwardly carried out the exam in a quick and rough manner. Regardless of this, my breasts felt absolutely lovely and I felt so connected to myself that my doctor’s unease and manner did not matter one bit. I felt absolutely overjoyed that none of those past feelings of shame and humiliation were present in my body any longer.
Since receiving EBMs my breasts have changed dramatically. My breasts are no longer swollen and very rarely do they feel sore and as a result, they are now much smaller (this is something I always wanted); I feel very connected to them.
My recent experience at the doctor was so far removed from the breast exam I endured when I was 25 that I wanted to laugh with joy and skip out of the surgery. I can truly feel just how far I have come since my first EBM.
I love being able to treat myself and my breasts with the love and respect we all deserve.
The Esoteric Breast Massage is a gift to all women and it has absolutely changed my life.