Parenting – Letting Go

by Nicole Serafin, Age 41, Tintenbar, NSW

At what point as a parent do we let go and allow our children to make their own decisions?

This is something I have always pondered on since the birth of our first child just over 5 years ago.

While our daughter was progressing through the baby stages I would feel what was needed for her, asking myself:

• when should I stop breastfeeding?
• when should we introduce solids?
• when should we toilet train?
• when should we put her into day care? Etc.

The answers to these questions came by picking up the clues from her.

Staying open to these clues was important. As a day-to-day example, food would be prepared as to what I felt was needed and then, as she got older she began to have her own tastes and feelings on what it was she needed. I bought foods that would support us as a family and I prepared meals in the same way. Often, this would be a challenge as we all had different tastes and needs, however there was always a common ground that we came to, one where we all felt to eat similar foods, often only varying on the amounts, or by choosing some but not all of what was prepared. Again, I would offer foods allowing her to choose what she felt to eat, but it was always from what had already been prepared.

While she was a young child it was easy to support her in what she needed, then as she got older and her own voice developed, I began to notice the challenge become a little more difficult. She was developing her own choices and opinions, and so often it would create frustration for all of us.

The boundaries were still set, regularly being adjusted to suit what was needed and when the behaviour got out of hand, there were always consequences for those actions. After all, she was still a child and letting go did not mean that I did not care, but nor did it mean she was able to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.

It was, and still is a fine line of always checking in, making sure she is able to express and develop, but also respect and understand herself and others.

What I found was, there had to come a point where she could learn for herself; for example, what was it like to refuse to wear a jacket when it was cold, to not take a hat when going outside, to eat too much of one food and get a sore belly or to choose to run when I said don’t, only to fall?

I so often hear and see so many people worried about their children. This parental concern is a difficult one to let go of, but something I have found needs to be done.

My children will always be my children but they are also their own person and as such, have to be able to make their own choices no matter how much it may hurt.

I have found that the older they get, the more challenging it is to let go as they are faced with more and more challenges in life, often ones we have already been through and so want to help them avoid these same pitfalls.

We try to protect them from the hurts of life, often only for them to be hurt more.

We often try to save our children from going through or repeating the same mistakes we made when growing up, attempting to protect them from the outside world and how harsh it can sometimes be. But unfortunately these lessons are something they have to learn for themselves; they need to understand that the world is not all roses and that they have to experience life for themselves so that they are able to cope with all aspects of it when the call is there.

So I continue to remind myself that I am here to support my family as much as needed and to offer advice whenever I can, only ever offering and guiding rather than protecting and dictating.

This allows them to build a foundation of who they truly are by encouraging and supporting them to be their true selves. Setting boundaries allows them to feel that they need to take responsibility for the choices they make, no matter how old they may be and helps to support and build this foundation.

I am not perfect at it, but I am constantly watching and observing what is needed. I know that one day I will not have any say at all in what our children choose to do, all I can do is present a foundation for them to build on. Which way they will choose to go? I do not know; all I do know is that ultimately it will be their choice and no matter what they choose, I will always be there for them, to guide and reflect personal responsibility and consistency.

I shall always be open to listen and feel what it is that they present to me, never judging or condemning choices or decisions that they make or have made – simply offering suggestions and a way of living that may support them to be all that they are all of the time.

I am eternally grateful for the support and inspiration of Serge Benhayon, his family and Universal Medicine as a whole – they have shown me true love like that of no other. This inspiration has allowed and supported me to create and live a life that is not of expectation, need or want, but of true love and simplicity.

You may also like by the Nicole:

Being Pregnant – Putting Caring for Myself First
New Mother: To Breastfeed or Not to Breastfeed?
When is the Right Time to Stop Breastfeeding?