by Bianca Barban, Sacred Woman, Melbourne, Australia
I am a naturally reflective person.
For a while now I have been reflecting on my life and its quality. I am 38yrs, healthy, in a loving supportive marriage and have 2 beautiful children. I even managed to have a girl and a boy – pretty clever! Life is comfortable, in fact very comfortable, but for the thing I have been pondering lately…. is comfort truly fulfilling? Is there a deeper version of me waiting to be lived?
Over the years I have been building a quality of true love in my life, a loving foundation that was missing before. I have been shedding the layers of hurt and protection that I have used to keep me from knowing how lovely I naturally am. This process has occurred slowly through my commitment to self healing and re-connecting to my natural essence – the quality of true love that lives inside us all, forever untarnished by the outside world. I have received true support from Esoteric Healing practitioners, the courses and presentations of Universal Medicine and its founder Serge Benhayon, and by attending Esoteric Developers Women’s Group (EDWG) presentations.
Reflecting on What it Means to be a Woman
The EDWGs and the Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) have supported me immensely to look at the ideals and beliefs I was living from as a woman and supported me to bring self nurturing to my life. I have discovered that I am a woman before I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, nurse and all the other roles I have my hand up for. In my day-to-day life this support has manifested into a way of living that means I take loving care of myself.
In the past, I used to make the needs of my husband and children a priority:
I always used to make sure the children had a water bottle with them on outings but would always forget to take one for myself.
I would prepare a loving lunch for everyone and then realise I hadn’t made enough food for my own lunch.
This behavior changed once I started developing self love and including myself in my life, instead of focussing on being a ‘good wife and mother’.
I now ensure that I make choices that will support me during the day:
- By taking food and water on outings
- By being mindful about the quality in which I complete my chores or work
- And by listening to my body regularly so I know where I am at.
I live now with more true love than before. There are regular moments of stillness, harmony and joy that have brought me true fulfillment, but this way of being is not something I choose consistently.
Reflecting on the Possibility of Living my Life in a Different Way
Mostly I appreciate the benefits of a comfortable life, but I have a genuine feeling that there is more to life than what I am living. The quality of my life could be different – truer and more full. By honoring the loveliness of me in every moment, instead of some of the time, I would be continuously supporting myself to deepen this quality.
In moments when I have chosen this deep honoring in every moment, everyday tasks such as folding clothes are no longer a boring ‘must do’ as…
I am present with each movement, there is fluidity in the way my body moves and I feel at ease and centred
My thoughts are clear and focussed on what I am doing and I am not trying to be perfect in doing the task. There is just a natural flow as I allow myself to continue choosing to be present as I am folding each item.
I feel very delicate and it feels like this delicateness is being transferred to every item I touch
I am full of joy.
So I know I can live this quality more fully, until comfort comes in, leading to inconsistency and distraction. Comfort calls you to remain the same; it allows for moments of fullness, such as the one described above, but its patterns are entrenched and it provides the illusion that you have ‘made it somehow,’ that you are happy and settled, so why change how you are living? What I have found though, is that it gets to a point where comfort is stifling. It makes me feel small, bored and less than I naturally am.
There is something loving inside me that wants to expand, but comfort has put a tight lid on it and I have been waiting for the inevitable explosion!
With the grace of my natural reflectiveness I decided it was time to start living differently – to expand those full moments of being present with me and choose them consistently.
Wow… no explosion needed, only a loving reflection and a surrender to my knowing that there is another way.
The Esoteric Women’s Health Program
With this decision made, I have commenced an Esoteric Women’s Health Program.
It is a 12 session program over 3,6 or 12months that can include the esoteric modalities of the EBM, Esoteric arm massage or back massage and Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy.
I have had 5 sessions thus far: 3 esoteric arm massages and 2 EBMs, which have brought a deeper awareness to how I have been living and supported me to bring more tenderness to my day to day activities.
- I have since then been paying closer attention to how I use my arms, hands and fingers
- They feel tight if I decide to push through with a task and do not honor me
- If I bring in many shopping bags at once, just so I can get it done, my shoulders, forearms and fingers loudly inform me, through pain, hardness or numbness
- Yes, I am a strong woman, but I have a tender and precious body that wants to be moved with love and respect.
I am grateful I am listening more to what my body is ‘saying’ to me – it is full of wisdom and I am choosing to honor it more deeply each day.
The Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM)
During my 2 EBMs (such an amazing modality), deeper revelations occurred.
When I was on the massage table a song came into my head, “I am Woman” by Helen Reddy, and I felt how wrong the message in this song was for me. I didn’t need to prove myself as a woman, I didn’t need to take on the world! The truth is that there is already everything I am and ever need to be naturally living inside me… that divine preciousness, knowing and absolute strength that naturally pulses within me, and in every woman. I simply needed to give myself permission to be. To surrender and live from that grand, expansive eternal spark of love, and choose it in every moment.
EBM number 2 went even deeper. As I lay on the massage table feeling the exquisite stillness that pulsed through my expansive body, my body revealed the tightness and tension I was holding in some parts. The practitioner and I discussed what might be causing the tension and then the treatment continued with some connective tissue therapy, which supported me to release the tension I was holding. I could feel this amazing warmth and explosion of love expanding through my chest – it was so very confirming and sacred.
Final Reflections (for now!)
But can you guess what I did? I focussed on the fact that I had not been living this way! I didn’t appreciate this blessing! I had just been supported to re-connect to the love that I am on a deeper level and I focussed on what is not me and went into how to fix it!!!
As I drove home I reflected on the blessing I had received. I didn’t go into self-bashing that I had not appreciated it, but realised it was time for me to live all of me in every moment. No excuses, no more comfort, no more fixing, no more trying: it was time to deeply honor and confirm that I am already all that I need to be and that to live with my full presence is all that is needed.
It’s time to deeply appreciate how far I have come and to realise that there is no plateau to love; true love is forever expanding and impulsing me to deepen the quality of my life.
You may also like from Bianca:
Motherhood & Detachment: an Essential Element to True Love
I am Beautiful
Opening up to People – Letting True Love Flow