This is my favourite photo of my Mum and I. We simply adored each other and I had a very close relationship with my mother in many ways. She was the person I went to when the world made no sense, for she listened, truly listened. With her depth of understanding and wisdom she was naturally supportive to others in the same way. She never told you what to do she simply listened. I treasure what she brought to me, which made it difficult to be honest about the hurt I felt during all the other times when she was unable to meet me and receive the true joy I felt at being alive and present in the world.
Our relationship with our mother is so important, for our mothers are the first relationship and first connection we make in life with another. It is in this relationship that we make the transition from a baby, to developing relationships with others as a child and on into our adult lives.
It is from our mothers that we first learn how to nurture ourselves and others.
What I have come to realise is our mothers, as women, offer us the opportunity to really feel what nurturing is, by how they live and express themselves in their daily lives, their gift is not about how they mother us. Mothering to me conjures up feelings of being attached and smothered whereas nurturing is something you are shown, you feel it in another’s gestures, tone and touch. It’s a holding energy, like a cradle that supports you in tenderness and deep heartfelt understanding and gives you the opportunity to express these loving qualities with yourself and others.
My mother was a beautiful, gentle woman who had experienced an extraordinary amount of loss of loved ones, including two of her own children when they were under the age of 5. Hence, my days were shrouded by an incredible amount of grief and sadness. As an adult it is easy to reconcile a relationship with one’s mother in one’s mind, for how can one ridicule someone so sweet and lovely for not being there, being present and there for you in every moment of your day?
My response to her not always being present was to check out a lot, just like Mum did, or enjoin her in her sadness and grief from those difficult things in her life. When I checked out, I chose to live in a world of make believe where I would paint a picture of how I wanted the world to be and live as if I was existing in that, rather than honouring what I truly felt was going on in the real world. I certainly made myself into a pretty good “Pollyanna”!
As part of this make-believe world, all you would hear from me was praise about how great my relationship was with my mother. It wasn’t until I commenced Esoteric Breast Massage sessions that I felt supported to express and let go of all the hurt that was occurring in our relationship and release all the grief and sadness I held in my body. This was the only modality I had ever come across that allowed me to heal what was difficult to admit to about my relationship with my mother and truly start to self-nurture.
With the Esoteric Breast Massage I was able to get to a point where once I had let go of the hurt and pain I could deeply feel and appreciate the natural, sweet and precious quality that emanated from both my mother and I.
There is no longer any need for me to check out or live in a world where I make up stories in my head to compensate for the lack of connection I may truly be feeling in my relationships today, and I can now see my mother and me shine ever so brightly in all our beauty.
by Suzanne Cox, Ocean Shores, Australia