Recently I realised that I was often feeling jealous and compared myself to other women, particularly my friends. If they achieved something or were doing well, got a new boyfriend, a lovely dress, anything really, I would feel small pangs of jealousy arise within my body.
In the past I have quickly pushed down these feelings of jealousy and then played the ‘nice friend’, commenting and congratulating them on whatever it is that they shared. Because the jealousy was only a small feeling, nothing too big that only lasted for a few seconds, I didn’t think I had jealousy issues.
However through attending Esoteric Women’s Health presentations, discussing the comparison issues that play out between women, I came to realise that I had been kidding myself and that even a small amount of jealousy was still jealousy. This was something that I wanted to address. Interestingly enough, as I allowed myself to feel the jealousy, I discovered it wasn’t really that small at all. In fact there was a lot of it and there had always been a lot. I just hadn’t allowed myself to feel it.
So this has led me to ponder – what is jealousy and how I am with it?
Jealousy: My Foe
What I have found within myself is that it comes up whenever I compare myself with another and see choices that they have made that I have not made and could be making. I feel bitter, sometimes sad and even frustrated and this is often accompanied with a pang in my heart or my solar plexus.
What I also found interesting is that this was at play with other women, but not so much with men which has led me to understand why I had chosen a lot of male friends in the past, as it was easier not to have to feel this jealousy that was at play with other women.
What I also came to understand is that I had been giving myself a hard time for feeling jealous and would quickly push it away as though it wasn’t really there… I was judging it and in this, judging myself too. I would carry on with my friends as though nothing had affected me and as though I was truly joyful for them. I wanted to be joyful for them, but in truth even that small ounce of jealousy was stopping me from feeling this.
Jealousy: My Friend
Since exposing this jealousy, I have made the choice to work with it – not to see jealousy as the enemy but to become friends with it. For instance, now when I feel its pangs rise up, I take the opportunity to express either to myself or with my friend (if appropriate) that this is what I am feeling. Then I am not hiding anymore behind a façade and am being honest with myself as to what is really going on.
But perhaps the biggest step I’ve made has been to make the choice on a daily basis to celebrate myself.
Celebrating myself is about appreciating all the amazing qualities that I have, rather than focusing on the things that I don’t have. When I truly appreciate myself, I find that I am less likely to feel jealous. After all, jealousy only comes through comparison. When I connect with me through my body and feel my own love from within, I feel complete and find I have no need to compare myself to another.
In this celebration of myself, I also celebrate other women on a day-to-day basis.
So now when I see a woman feeling and or looking gorgeous, I’ll express it and not hold back. When I feel she has done something amazing, I’ll let her know, truly celebrating her in that moment. What I have found that as I celebrate her, I also celebrate me and the amazingness I feel in her is the amazingness and beauty in all women. I feel us as equals and there is no jealousy, no comparison, just the beauty of all women.
I still have feelings of jealousy come up, but they are becoming less and less and I am enjoying and feeling the beauty in all women more and more as I celebrate myself and them every day.
This article was inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health.
by Donna Gianniotis, BA Comms, Dip Health (Yoga), Sydney, Australia
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