There is a lot of talk and discussion around feeling connected with our children during pregnancy while in utero, once they are born and for the many years of life ahead to come… What I’ve noticed of particular interest is how for many, we can feel disconnected from them and also hold many pictures of what connecting with them actually looks and feels like – for a woman and equally so for a man.
Taking the time and the space to understand what pictures and expectations of pregnancy and parenthood we carry is important and a deeply healing process for anyone, as this will support us to understand not only why we have these thoughts and the ensuing emotional reactions to them but to also choose if we really want to live by such ideals and pictures at all.
Throughout my first 20 weeks of pregnancy I’ve noticed times where I’ve felt very connected to the little baby in my womb; sensing the unwavering link between us, both physically and far exceeding physicality, plus the absolute joy of knowing we are both going to teach each other so much! But I have also experienced times where I’ve felt a severe disconnect; something which left me experiencing feelings of doubt about myself, followed by the sadness, guilt and shame that I could possibly allow such thoughts to creep in, in which I judged and identified myself as being wrong or a bad mother.
What I have uncovered for myself is that when I don’t feel the deep and sacred connection to myself as a woman, held naturally in my body, the fact is that I don’t feel a connection to my growing baby either and many self-doubting thoughts are then allowed to run in my mind about who we both are. What follows is a feeling of disappointment in myself for lacking self-connection and I can be hard on myself for choosing this. The fact is that this can play out in all of my relationships including with my partner, a friend or with anyone I meet in my day. When I am not sensing and living with this natural connection to me I observe that I am holding back from being all of me with another and this doesn’t feel so great.
Quite simply, if I don’t feel connected to me I can’t connect to anyone
What I know to be true is that we are all innately connected, universally; each and every one of us, and so to not feel this connection – the equality and love that we are – with another is a simple exposing of the fact that our connection with ourselves is already lacking.
Reconnection with yourself – where to begin?
The tools to reconnect back to myself as a deeply loving woman have unfolded from my association with Esoteric Women’s Health and the immeasurable inspiration of its founder Natalie Benhayon. From the many presentations, women’s groups, Sacred Movement classes and sessions that I have had with Natalie and other female practitioners who practice the Esoteric modalities, I have experienced first-hand what feeling connected means to me:
It is an absolute knowingness and claiming of who I am – In Full – within my body as a woman, and from this marked feeling I am connected to a sense of worth, purpose and a quality that far exceeds any thoughts that could aim to persuade me otherwise.
It is with this connection to myself that I am connected to my own undeniable inner knowing, or an Ancient Wisdom where I sense that I have lived many lives of connection before, and that this connection is the only thing that I truly want to live my life by now. There is nothing more solid, pure or absolute than to feel my depth of connection to my core, a sense of confidence in knowing who I am and not being afraid to live this anywhere or at any time. This knowing comes with a unique quality of what it feels like to just be myself without any expectation or imposition from myself or others. With this understanding it is no wonder that I can feel so sad when I’ve dropped or stepped away from myself for any reason, which in truth is simply never worth it.
Through a commitment and dedication to living life with my connection to who I am, I experience ‘feeling like me’ more and more as my normal way of being and from here I am able to support myself in ways that confirm and consolidate this connection so it becomes more solid throughout my whole life. This includes preparing and eating foods that nourish and support my whole day and my quality of sleep, the way that I dress and prepare myself for work or being around home, but also, honouring myself wherever I can within every micro-moment in between.
All these moments make up what we call LIFE and there can be no off-switch or down-time when it comes to the importance of confirming the unique essence that we each bring to ourselves and others when we choose to live with connection and bring our fullness to everything that we do. We need to ask ourselves,
“What is really happening when we choose to switch-off or disconnect?”
In these moments we are not only robbing ourselves of feeling our own loveliness, but we are choosing to not cherish others and equally ourselves, and the disconnection we are then living affects everyone equally.
This is what Natalie & Miranda Benhayon inspire me with every single day as they reflect to me that the consistency of living this way is not only absolutely possible (without perfection), it is a richly loving and innately wise way of living that only ever deepens, bringing a vitality and purpose to life that is available to everyone.
Connection within a pregnancy, to our babies, children and everyone else, from a valued depth of connection to who we are, is what true relationships and parenting are all about – connecting to and being yourself IN FULL, and letting this way be the foundation for the absolute love, wisdom, guidance and understanding that you’ll then bring to any other.
by Cherise Holt, Nurse, 32, Brisbane, Australia
You may also Enjoy:
The ‘pregnancy consciousness’ exposed. Cherise Holt learns that her body holds all the wisdom she needs in I’m Pregnant! What’s Next?
Discover the all encompassing nature of Esoteric Women’s Health with Sara Williams.
And listen to a free audio of the Gentle Breath meditation, a tool to support you to connect to the quality of stillness within you.