by JK, England
While I was having a long bath this morning, I took the time to appreciate how different my body feels lately. When I washed my feet, the hard skin that used to be on the balls of my feet has completely gone, the skin on my legs and arms and body is very soft and gentle, and my hair feels much thicker, shinier and healthier than it ever has. What I also felt was how much I can feel inside my body, and how sensitive (in a great and tender way) my body is to many things, such as the temperature of my bath water (not too hot or too cold) and the products I use on my body (for example, the ‘organic’ shampoo and conditioner I used today felt harsh and unloving – so I have binned it). And how I love to give myself ample time to take a long bath when I feel to. Boy, have I come a long way!
Fifteen years ago I was a junior black-belt kick boxer. I also cycled up mountains, did 100’s of press-ups and sit-ups as part of my kickboxing training, and regularly went jogging. I was, at that time, an associate director of a large healthcare organisation – and I used to turn up for work with bruises and broken toes (from the kickboxing). For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m just about 5 foot tall, and very slight in build; I’ve pretty much always been this build, give or take a few pounds. I used to train with 6 foot-plus men for kickboxing – very few women got to junior black belt. I had a busy working life, working 50 to 60 hours a week and driving a round trip of 60 miles a day. I used to get so tired I couldn’t sleep, so I would buy a curry from the local Indian take-away and eat it to make me sleepy enough to sleep. I also ate chocolate and drank green tea to ‘pep’ me up when I felt tired during the day.
To many I was successful, with a great job, plenty of money, great home, sporty car, ‘high levels of fitness’, and lots of friends, as well as always having a boyfriend or partner. I was though, suffering deeply inside – from constant worrying and anxiety attacks (one of which happened in a restaurant in the middle of a meal, whereby I had to be taken to the local Accident & Emergency Department). I also had painful periods, so much so that after taking tons of painkillers – and where nothing touched the pain, I would go into the local Accident & Emergency Department to see if they could do anything about the pain. I also had regular throat infections, rhinitis, occasional bouts of asthma, and hay fever.
Now… here I am in the bath, feeling how tender I feel. I love my sleep (I sleep well), all of my ailments have subsided, even the painful periods, and anxiety is rare for me now. As I appreciate myself in the bath, I ask myself – how did this happen? How did I change from the kickboxing, stoic, busy manager, who couldn’t sleep without something to send her to sleep, to who I am today? How did I get to this level of gentleness, self-kindness, tenderness, and stillness that I feel myself to be most days? What triggered me to start to make these changes?
Firstly, I was facing a crisis in my own health and realised I could not go on in the way I was living. From that, I was searching for support and through an herbalist I consulted, I was introduced to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I had tried meditating and many other modalities, such as shiatsu – none of which had really changed how I felt, or changed my ailments. When I met Serge and other Universal Medicine Practitioners was when I first realised that it was possible to make real changes in my life. I realised this because Serge Benhayon and the others offered me true inspiration. I could feel that they had made many changes in their own lives and were today loving, tender, gentle, self-kind, and deeply self-honest: this gave me permission to trust my own feelings and to give it a go in making changes for myself. And so, gently over the last few years, I have made many small changes to the way I am living – whether they be dietary changes, or exercising by gently walking and swimming, or ensuring I have the rest and sleep that I need by adjusting my busy schedule to allow myself time to wind down at the end of the day, and also by taking a rest day at the weekends. And little by little, by making these changes, I have felt my body changing as the various ailments dissipate and melt away.
What I appreciate in this is that it is me who has made all of these changes; that with an ever growing self-patience, a loving diligence and an openness to be more honest with myself, I have turned things around. Through my own willingness to listen to my body and express what I am feeling, I have made a deeper connection to myself. And, as I sit here now in the bath, I am the most tender, gentle, and most loving I have felt in my life. That is something to celebrate with a long bath!