by JK, UK
I have come to realise the power of expression, and the amazing potential that conversations with amongst women have to help every woman feel and reflect on their lives and the world around them – the importance of being earnest, and true to oneself.
Today whilst in conversation with other women, I realised for instance that two years ago I didn’t feel I knew how to be a true woman. I was born as a woman, I had a woman’s body, I could be a caring sister, a thoughtful daughter, a diligent colleague, a kind neighbour, but none of them felt like they were truly me, they felt more like roles I played. Today, two years on, having been inspired by other women and having had the opportunity for many conversations with women, I can feel that I am now starting to feel myself as a woman, in that I can feel tenderness, gentleness, and a loveliness in the way I move. I can feel a delicateness in the way I touch things, and I can feel a beauty deep within me – whatever clothes I am wearing on the outside. More so, I can feel a far deeper confidence as a woman, not that I now know all there is to be a woman, but that I have given myself the opportunity to give it a go, to experiment with the way I lovingly care for myself on a daily basis, and to be open to learning more about being a woman at work, or with friends and relatives, and in the way I am in the world.
As part of my own observations about the way women are in the world, I am starting to realise the importance of how we are in our everyday conversations. The way we communicate is all part of being a woman. I observe that many of us can be guarded or protected when we express, or for instance we can have an expectation of how we want others to see us when we talk. I have noticed at work how some women ‘sit on their hands’ for fear of expressing something that they feel someone might react to. I see women in meetings calculating what they say, so as to ‘manage’ the reaction. I too find myself doing that whilst at work, and I realise that this is an area that I have not put much conscious focus into until now. Let me give you an example.
Today when I arrived at a monthly women’s group I attend, I was aware that I was feeling guarded, for fear of the reaction of others around me, and I realised that this happens often when I talk with other women. During the meeting we were asked to pair up and introduce ourselves to our partner, who was also a woman. In that moment, I could feel even more deeply how I was being guarded as I found myself wondering what my partner would think when I spoke. Would she think I’m real? Would she react? I noticed that I even awkwardly prefaced what I was going to say to my partner, rather than simply expressing what I felt straight off, and yet as I allowed myself to find my voice and the more I relaxed and gave myself permission to say exactly what I felt, I could feel the power of my voice, the tenderness of it, and the importance of expressing all of me in a way that my voice was heard. By finding my voice and saying what I wanted to say at that time I felt more relaxed and playful, and actually more confident. In that moment I also realised how much I actually loved my own voice – something I had never allowed myself to feel before. What’s more, at the end of this simple exercise a woman sitting on the other side of the room shared with us how the room actually felt different after we had the time to talk in pairs, compared to how the room had felt before, when some women were sharing their stories with everyone in the room at the beginning of the meeting. For me, the feeling before and after the exercise in the room was palpable: at the beginning of the meeting as a few women were sharing their stories, the room felt smaller and less open, yet during and after the exercise in pairs the whole room felt much more open and relaxed.
So to come back to how we communicate as women, as I reflected on today’s experience, it got me wondering. How many other women don’t speak freely, and say what they feel? How often do we as women ‘hold back’ and not say all of what we want to say, or keep our lips sealed even when there is a feeling bursting inside of us to say something? If this is so, what are the consequences of this? As the feeling in the room at the meeting today was palpably different earlier, when there was a ‘guardedness’ and later, when women were more able to say what they felt, then:
What are the consequences when we don’t speak up?
How do we leave a room or another person feeling if we don’t say exactly what we feel?
Are we for instance leaving behind a sense of guardedness, or a sense of openness and grace?
What if in not speaking up we are not taking responsibility to say something that needs to be said?
What if we expressed in full as a daily way of living?
What if when we say what we feel tenderly and openly, this gives another the opportunity to do the same?
What if we allow our own voices to blossom, particularly while in conversation with women?
How beautiful would that be?
What if all women allowed themselves to speak freely and tenderly, and allow their voice to shine in all their daily interactions? What kind of reflection would this offer to everyone around them?
I know that every time I give myself the opportunity to explore and experiment with something, I grow as a woman and my confidence deepens. Giving myself permission to consistently say what I feel, in my own unique and tender way is something new for me, and something I am curious about. This is now work in progress and a new playful study for me.
Let the world feel the true tenderness and grace of women’s voices – let all women’s voices bloom.
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