by Susan Hayes, BEng BSci, Bendigo, Australia
I have never really been into bras. As a teenager I was scared of the bra shop – the thought of someone measuring and looking at my breasts was not something that appealed! I ended up trying bras on by myself in changing rooms (not even allowing my mother in) and ended up having cheap, poorly fitting pieces that I never really liked.
In my 20s I ‘upgraded’ to sports bras that flattened my chest and had no back clip. I promoted that these were ‘easier’ and ‘more comfortable’ than a standard bra (although looking back at how tight they were to get my head, arms and shoulders through to eventually squeeze over my breasts so I am not sure this was an honest conclusion!). A couple of ‘normal’ bras were available when needed for special occasions, such as weddings etc., shoved in the back of a cupboard or drawer.
Now in my early 30s, I have still struggled with bras: I have four, two of which I actually like wearing. I have been putting off investing in more – whenever I consider buying another I have had a sense of trepidation.
However, this morning when I put my bra on I felt something different. I had spent the morning adoring myself – dancing in the shower to the latest Glorious Music album (oh what fun!) and then gently applying moisturiser to my whole body, including my breasts. When I went to put my bra on I could feel the lack of adoring in my motion. I paused to feel what it was about, and for the first time realised I was placing my bra on as if it were a piece of armour – to protect, shield and hide myself. In that moment I was presented with a choice. So I changed the way I was moving, gently placing the bra strap on my shoulder with a tenderness I had not given myself before. Then, with my bra on I met myself in the mirror. I began to observe how pretty the bra actually was – the pink colour with lacy trimmings, AND HOW BEAUTIFUL I WAS IN IT. In that moment I could only question why I would need to guard and hide that from the world.
So here I am writing a blog on a topic I would previously avoid at all costs (!), and am open to the possibility that I can ENJOY shopping for and wearing a bra (and of course enjoy the person in it).
I would like to say THANK YOU to all the amazing practitioners and fellow students associated with Universal Medicine who have supported me over the past two years to be more gentle and less hard with myself.
In particular I would like to note the Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) practitioners. I have never had a breast massage – although I have booked them in a few times. It is due to the deep honour and integrity of the women practicing this modality that they have not pushed this practice on me (even when I ‘wanted’ an EBM!). They have felt that I was not ready to have someone touching my breasts, and have given me other treatments such as arm massages. Initially I thought there was something wrong with me for not being able to have an EBM. Now I am learning that it is not about whether I have an Esoteric Breast Massage or not, but that I am unfolding to be more tender with myself and to honour and appreciate and enjoy myself for the BEAUTIFUL woman that I am.