by Sarah Cloutier, Animation Producer, London, UK
“Expectation is the root of all heartache” – William Shakespeare
Wise words Will Shakespeare.
I realise I have been nurturing my expectations.
Not at all what I had expected to reveal while I am being more nurturing to myself with many other loving actions and thoughts. I am writing every day in the Our Cycles App about the small nurturing moments in my day: this could be talking with a friend, walking gently to the tube, smiling just for myself, allowing myself to make mistakes, being silly, dancing with myself, taking time to lay out my clothes before my shower or bath, not comparing myself to other women … a long list that grows every day! The loving ritual of writing down these loving actions means I can now see when I love myself even more: what is not love is even more obvious.
I have been using constant energy that has been invested in outcomes, from conversations, meetings, friends, acquaintances, people on the tube – everyone! I expect a certain type of response from people and I am then disappointed when they don’t come through. I expect colleagues at work to respond the way they did yesterday and when they don’t, I feel let down. I expect the young guy on the tube to get up and let me sit down on the way home from work, but when he doesn’t, I feel let down. I expect the person on the checkout to be friendly and when they are not, I feel disappointed. I’m also realising that when I see someone gloomy, I try to make them feel ‘better’ – to make them see they don’t have to be gloomy! I impose my expectations then I don’t understand when they don’t ‘get it’.
By nurturing expectations and not allowing acceptance and compassion, I have been putting a set of imaginary standards onto people in most situations. It’s definitely coming from a need for recognition. When I expect a specific response I am setting myself up for failure. The person at the other end of the expectation will never respond in the way I want. And they feel judged and empty because my expectation lacks any understanding or care for where they are on that day, in that moment.
I have always sought recognition, and when I don’t get it in the way I want, I have been crushed. When I was a child, I chose to conclude that my love was not enough. In doing expected tasks that I was recognised for, I converted that into love and it became my modus operandi. I created my own expectations on myself about what would bring me recognition and would do that. Of course, it was never received the way I expected, and it built a foundation of anxiousness and wanting to ‘please’ another.
- Could it be nurturing for myself to allow and accept someone to be however he or she is?
- Could it be that it allows me to let go of my own expectations to be a certain way for another?
Brilliant questions Sarah, even if I do say so myself!
My daily commitment to write in the Nurturing Journal on the Our Cycles App and acknowledge my every single moment of nurturing is opening so much awareness to all areas of my life that nurture me. By allowing myself and others to be simply who we are and seeing love in them and myself is a true gift and one I will never give away.
Making a commitment to expressing myself without imposition or expectation is my new MO – who thought nurturing would be so expansive? It’s really affecting all areas of my life.
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