I never really considered how I related to my breasts beyond them being a nuisance or an annoyance. Yes, I got attention because of these breasts of mine, but not in a good way, and I felt riled and annoyed each time this was happening.
I’ve always been conscious of my breasts, not in a proud or appreciative way, but as something I felt extremely awkward about, a part of me I was not exactly sure what to do with, and blithely ignored as much as possible. Plus, they hurt, especially during my periods and so they were often considered a nuisance.
For years I wore the wrong size bra, apparently and surprisingly up to 80% of women do, (1). The figure seems absurd, and yet many sources corroborate this. Imagine wearing the wrong size shoes!
Yet, for years I wore ill-fitting (often ugly) bras, and didn’t really think much of it. The sad thing is that I didn’t even notice. And that says a lot, for I’d notice any ill-fitting pants, hats, or socks, (or shoes).
But things have changed in my lingerie drawer, (yes I now proudly own one!) with many beautiful bras and they all fit perfectly!
So what exactly changed?
I did. And my relationship with my breasts changed profoundly so.
It all started when I came across a modality called the Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM). Most people (me included) find the sound of ‘breast massage’ slightly odd. It’s like we’ve set aside our breasts as a no-go zone, reserved for special occasions, usually sex and feeding, and to have them treated in another way feels unfamiliar and/or peculiar?
Yet I was curious, and wanted to know more about Esoteric Breast Massage.
I was nervous about taking off my top, and yet pushed through anyway. The female practitioner was gorgeously caring and very supportive – there was no judgement in how I was, just an acceptance and an offering of deep care which blew me away, from being covered with a warm towel (delicious) to being asked questions and held in a way that felt very precious.
It felt amazing and a little shocking to know and feel I hadn’t treated myself in this way. Yet, again, no demands or expectations, just a simple being and showing. I felt like the most precious jewel and the care with which I was treated moved me deeply.
During the initial EBM sessions I felt a lot in my breasts and it wasn’t always comfortable, but surrounded by that love and care, I allowed myself to feel what was there and the practitioner supported me to understand that this was just how I’d been living, and not necessarily who I am. Most importantly I learned not to condemn myself for my past choices but to see and feel what I choose now.
Each EBM session revealed another loveless layer deposited deep within the mammary glands of my breasts and each time I came away feeling more connected to and in greater union with my breasts and my whole body. I could no longer treat this amazing nurturing organ of mine as a nuisance but instead I have been re-learning to embrace them as a part of me, and a precious part at that.
And so of course the old over and under sized bras needed to go. And at long last, I finally had a bra fitting and got to understand what my true bra size was, as well as that it can change, plus a bonus – how to actually put on a bra! I know, I know, it had taken a while to get to this stage but it was absolutely worth it.
I would not have the understanding and relationship I do with my breasts right now without the Esoteric Breast Massage journey and I expect to have them for the rest of my life. Not because I need them but because I love the support they offer in continually building my relationship with me, my breasts and my body, whilst showing me how much I actually do and can live the preciousness and love I truly am.
by Monica, UK
References:
You may also enjoy:
An exquisitely tender therapy by women for women that honours deeply and reminds the woman of her beauty and strength … Esoteric Breast Massage
Recently I have been feeling it is time… time for some new bras!! I simply feel that I deserve it! Read Sara’s journey on Taking her Bra Shopping to a new Level.