Recently, I had an Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) with Mary-Louise Myers at a Universal Medicine clinic. In this session I re-discovered how hard I still find it to come back into my body, to stay with myself, to actually connect and feel me and my tenderness. I was able to really feel how much I constantly brace myself and hold myself on guard. As if constantly expecting some type of abuse or harsh treatment and ‘preparing’ myself for it. As if this preparation would actually help me handle life better.
In my life I did not experience the ‘obvious’ type of abuse: I did not drink nor smoke nor take drugs when I was growing up (I tried each of them very briefly, but discovered that I could not handle them). I was not abused sexually or otherwise, nor raped. I have only ever had 2 intimate relationships with men, one of whom is my husband today (a very caring and tender man). And when I used to look at this list I would think to myself ‘why would I carry such a degree of fear, bracing myself for abuse and waiting for it to happen any moment?’
What I felt during the Esoteric Breast Massage session was that there was still a trauma locked in my body – a trauma that I thought I had explored, let go of and moved on from, yet it was still alive in my body.
When I was 9 months old, my father took up work overseas and we lived for 5 years in the Middle East (Teheran, Iran), followed by another 3 years on the West Coast of Africa (Freetown, Sierra Leone). In both these countries, there was great political unrest and a revolution brewing. Our time in Iran involved, being thrown rocks at and being spat at for not conforming to certain ways of dressing, curfews in the evenings (with risk of being shot), rioting in the streets (I still recall the angry shouts) and a real lack of safety as a foreigner to the point where my parents slept with an axe and baseball bat under their beds…just in case.
Eventually, my mum, sister and I managed to flee Iran with no belongings. My father also fled and joined us a few months later, though during that time we were unsure if we would ever see him alive again. When we left Iran, we left everything behind – clothes, belongings, house and all. But we also left behind TRUST. And instead we returned with this new ‘ability’ to be on guard and brace ourselves to whatever assault might happen next. Following this, our experience in Freetown (Sierra Leone) was not ‘as traumatic’ as that in Iran, however, there was political unrest brewing there too, a clear lack of safety and we left before it escalated.
My recent EBM session with Mary-Louise presented itself with an opportunity to feel the level of tension and bracing that I have held in my body for nearly 40 years. This tension or bracing has been there in me as a hardness, a tightness, a constant alert. And as I let go of the hardness and surrendered myself to the tenderness and loveliness that I have been building on over the last 5 years with the support of esoteric healing sessions, I can feel the exhaustion of having held that tension in my body for so long.
I also recognize that I would never have been able to let myself feel the extent of this tension and I would not before have considered it to be a type of abuse if I had not spent these last 5 years building on a foundation of love to stand upon and embrace myself with. Many of the supportive changes that I have made over the last five years have been very simple and include things such as: taking more care of myself, speaking up and learning to say no, being more honest with myself about how I feel and communicating how I feel as needed to those around me, and more recently learning to accept myself as the amazing woman I am. This building of my foundation of love could only have come about with the loving, consistent and ever present solid support of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine teachings and healing modalities, and all of the amazing practitioners and people so deeply dedicated to being the love that we all are.
Today I can hold onto this love, the love that I know is within and growing stronger on a daily basis, and keep reminding myself that the bracing is not needed, the guarding is not necessary. I can say ‘no’ to the fear of a life expecting trauma, and instead say ‘yes’ to embracing a life with more tenderness and a life of letting all of me out (no more hiding because of fear).
I know this to be a gradual process, but I rejoice in knowing that this process is happening and all the more faster (exponentially, really) now that I can say no to any type of abuse, discard the bracing, and instead breathe that much deeper, connect that much more to me and my tenderness, and bring much more of me to share with my family, with my friends, with all my brothers in all corners of the world. With deeply, heart-felt thanks and appreciation to Universal Medicine and the Esoteric Breast Massage, which to me can only be heaven sent.
by Henrietta Chang, BNat, BBiol, MAppl Sc (Ecol), EPA*, ATMS
* The EPA (Esoteric Practitioners Association) is a branch of Universal Medicine. It was instigated by Universal Medicine to monitor and accredit the modalities that were founded by Universal Medicine.