by Bianca Barban, Melbourne, Australia
One of my roles in life is being a mother. I am blessed with 2 children, a daughter, 8yrs and a son, 7yrs. At times I have found motherhood and detachment difficult, mostly because I have been enmeshed in my children’s lives, taking on every emotion they feel and putting their needs before my own. Continue reading “Motherhood & Detachment: an Essential Element to True Love”
by Nicole Serafin, Age 41, Tintenbar, NSW
This is something I have always pondered on since the birth of our first child just over 5 years ago.
While our daughter was progressing through the baby stages I would feel what was needed for her, asking myself: Continue reading “Parenting – Letting Go”
by Anonymous, Australia
Last night I was blessed by a heaven-sent dream. In fact it was much more than a dream. It was a realisation and a bodily experience of my mother’s death. I learnt that Mum died peacefully. She simply let go. The experience of that moment in my dream was of a peaceful letting go, a beautiful golden light. A smile came to my face, my body relaxed and I let go too, as she let go. I let go of the guilt I had been holding since her death two years ago.
They say that people find it hard to let go at the end of life because of their attachments to people, family, partners or children. My mother’s attachment was to her house.
The time had come to move Mum to a nursing home. Continue reading “Mothers and Daughters – The Ties That Bind Us, Even Beyond Death”
Growing up, I had a picture in my mind of what it would be like to be an adult. Slowly, as I got older, this picture kept changing and adjusting to keep up with all that I saw displayed by the varying influences around me. Even though I grew up in a home where there were yelling matches (which eventuated in divorce), as a really young child I didn’t see any of these problems existing in my own future. Instead, I saw the rosy pictures that were depicted on TV and in fairytales to be my own future. As I grew up I soon realised that life was something of an arduous task. The idea that life could be fun and or rosy slowly slipped from my created reality…
No-one at any time that I can remember sat me down and asked me how I viewed my future – I was a female, so it was assumed I would get married and have children. But I was never asked if this is what I wanted, or not. When adults would see either myself or my sisters play with our toy dolls, they would comment “Oh she’ll make a great mother one day”, or something along those lines. And when I started to cook, the comments would be “You’ll make some man really happy one day”. So I learned from a very young age that I was destined to become a mother and a wife. Continue reading “Women and their Daughters”
by Sharon, Australia
My life has been all about devotion, and many who know me would agree that I have been a devoted mother to my seven children. In addition, I have been devoted to my work both as a Birth Educator and also a Nurse, as well as being devoted to giving back to the community. In all this devotion there has been very little self-devotion and self-nurturing to myself as a woman. In fact, what I truly have been is another D word, which stands for ‘driven’, in which I have felt that I could never do enough to feel that I deserved any space in which to just be devoted to myself.
For me, the experience of growing up in a large family with a father who chose alcohol and work over family, and a mother who was barely coping with her own life, created a belief in me that when I would have a family I would do it ‘better’. Continue reading “Embracing True Devotion as a Woman and Mother”
by Cherise Holt, Nurse, Brisbane, Australia
As a little girl overjoyed to be a flower girl at a family wedding, I watched as a man and a woman proclaimed their love for each other: “I do – ‘til death do us part”. I believed I would grow up to marry a man whom I too would love forever. It appeared to me that is just what women did.
As a teenager I contended with low self-esteem, low self-worth, emotional issues, family loss and grief. I wanted a partner now more than ever, and I recall one day sharing tearfully to my mum, “I won’t ever have a boyfriend!”. And if I didn’t find one, would I be alone forever? Or perhaps worse still – who would I be in life?
When I was 16 I met a young man who told me he loved me… I thought “This was it! This must be true love!”. We shared a beautiful wedding ceremony when we were 21 and I eagerly discussed our future plans to have children as I knew I always wanted them. In fact, I believed I was pre-destined to be a mother. Continue reading “A Life of Marriage and Motherhood? – The Celebration of Myself”
by Anne Malatt, Australia
I have always been ‘good’ at anything I put effort into. If I wasn’t ‘good’ at it (riding a bicycle, for example) I would stop trying and refuse to do it any more. This way, I stayed good at everything I did!
I never thought I would be a ‘good’ mother. My own mother was a professional woman who worked hard all day, then came home and cooked all the meals and did all the household and garden chores. This was not a job I wanted for myself!
The only time I saw her sitting down was in the evenings, with a drink. I never saw her doing anything just for herself and remember her telling me that her own mother always called her ‘selfish’ if she tried to read a book or do anything just for her. Continue reading “Mothering and Motherhood”
by Kylie Kennedy, BA Psyc Sci and Dip Counselling, Australia
Feeling your way
Becoming a mother was something I chose two years ago when I became pregnant. But what does it mean to become a mum?
During my pregnancy I was confronted with so much literature, opinions, beliefs, morals and judgements about parenthood from books, professionals, friends, family: basically, everyone and everything had an opinion on what being a mum is all about. The amount of information that came my way was overwhelming. What I found was that there was such a force bombarding me with the ‘should’ and the ‘how to’ be a mum, at times it felt like I was drowning and gasping for air. I had to keep reminding myself to feel into what being a mum is all about. The truth is, we can give our power away to the information and the opinions of others. Continue reading “Becoming a Mother – Feeling your Way and not Losing the Woman”
by Sarah Davis, B.BSc, Grad Dip Applied Psychology, Australia
I have had many conversations recently with women about mothering. It has been truly lovely to connect and share openly – learning from each other’s reflections and supporting each other through honesty and inspiration. I find that the more honest I can be about how I have ‘approached’ motherhood, the more awareness I bring to how I have been living as a woman and how my body feels as a result of my choices. Often we share very similar accounts of the demands and ‘exhaustion’ of motherhood, as well as the intense ‘needs’ from our children, partners and society – well, as least that is how the conversation starts. Lately, these conversations have felt truly honest and inspiring as we explore more deeply ourselves as women within this experience and ‘dynamic’ of motherhood; the understanding that is developing is deeply inspiring and loving. Central to this unfolding is a claiming of our responsibility to make self-loving choices, and a commitment to self; basically that the ‘drama of motherhood’ is often a result of our own disregard and lack of self-worth – to the total detriment of our body and quality of relationships we adopt the maxim, the ‘tougher we do it’ the ‘better’ and ‘more committed’ mother we are. Correct? Continue reading “Mama Mia: Here I Go Again”
by JM and ML-M, NSW, Australia
The purpose behind us writing Mum and Me was for all to see that it is never too late to change the way we relate to our mothers and daughters, no matter what age they are or how dysfunctional our relationships may be. Through a loving commitment to ourselves first, then developing a true relationship with our mothers and daughters, we have the power in this generation to change patterns that have been passed down from mother to daughter for eons. Continue reading “Mum and Me”
