Category: ON RELATIONSHIPS

The Harm of Pornography

~ womeninlivingness

by  S., Australia

Quite some years ago, when my second child was aged one, I came upon an intense period in my relationship with my partner. At this time, we shared a computer and had a room set up as an office. One day, when my daughter was at pre-school, my son asleep and my partner out, I was on our home computer; I had been looking something up several days before and so I visited the web history to go back to the page I was on. I stumbled onto something there that completely took me by surprise.

I was not suspecting anything and was certainly not looking for anything. As far as I was aware I had nothing to be concerned about, but I discovered that my partner had been looking at porn on the internet.

Up until this point, the only relationship I had had with porn was once as a teenager; I was with one of my friends and we went to visit her boyfriend at his friend’s house. There was a group of boys there, centred around a television, watching a porn movie. Continue reading “The Harm of Pornography” →

From Rip Cord Effect to True Love

~ womeninlivingness

My friends and I would often joke about the ‘rip cord effect’; when a woman gets married and then pulls the cord, like on a life vest, and ‘poof!’ – instantly she puffs out, putting on weight. My partner has also joked to me about this, but I could feel that it was from a genuine concern or fear that this would happen to me. I pondered on this more deeply, seeing it in my mother, and I reflected on times when I had put on weight in relationships, or ‘let myself go’.

In my teenage years and as a young adult I grew up not living as the lovely girl or gorgeous woman that deep down I felt I was. Living in such a way felt empty or bottomless… not living in the stillness and preciousness that I could feel myself to truly be. Somewhere along the line I was taught, shown or told that I could be this lovely woman when I had a man, got married and / or had children. So in my head I thought that if I had a man beside me, or became a wife or mother, I would no longer feel the empty and desperate feeling within. I then spent a greater portion of my life driving or pushing very hard to get a man and kids; I lost myself completely because every choice was based on what would enable me to reach my goal. Continue reading “From Rip Cord Effect to True Love” →

Something Beautiful Part 2 – My Unfolding and Learning to Be All of Me in a Relationship with a Man

~ womeninlivingness

by Johanna Smith, Perth WA

It just so happens that since initially writing Blog Part 1… a man came into my life. We initially enjoyed a short but fairly committed and serious relationship.

We came from different backgrounds  so at times there was a language and cultural barrier. Also, how we had been raised since childhood, and all the ideals and beliefs we used to get us through life came between us at times. These would show themselves as ‘issues’ that we could both see as something to work through.

I found this man to be open to the way I treat myself and the way I have today chosen to live – with care, respect, tenderness and love for myself. I found him to be gentle with me, understanding, simple, caring, considerate and supportive – with the ability to sit and talk with me, and listen… but most of all I found him to have been willing. Willing to work on a relationship which was more honest and true (a true relationship) to that which he and I had experienced before in our independent pasts. And we both had to work out what that was along the way for us. For me, it had been (and still today is) ‘me being all of me in a relationship’ – (something which continues to unfold in discovering how that actually looks and feels on a practical level, with all the daily activities such as work, chores, kids etc.). Continue reading “Something Beautiful Part 2 – My Unfolding and Learning to Be All of Me in a Relationship with a Man” →

Something Beautiful Part 1 – My Unfolding and Being All of Me with a Man

~ womeninlivingness

Johanna Smith, Perth WA 

I am currently 34 years old, and from the ages of 15-28 have been in long-term relationships. Literally as 1, 2, 3 or 4 year length relationships ended, there was another one (the next day or two) knocking on my door ready to begin… and I always took it! I liked the exciting-ness of it all; the feeling that someone was interested in me and all that went with it… until the not so pretty themes would raise their head, and similar issues or patterns would come out in each relationship. Then, it wasn’t so much fun. However, I seemingly kept myself in the illusion that “I was doing OK”, as I told myself that this one (this relationship, man or ‘catch’) is better than the last. Continue reading “Something Beautiful Part 1 – My Unfolding and Being All of Me with a Man” →

From Russia, With Love

~ womeninlivingness

 by Elena Light, London, UK

I was contracted for so long… And I cannot be any more.

That’s what I felt for very long while reading sensible and beautiful posts of other women. I can relate to everything everyone wrote, some more than others, even though sometimes I need to keep my dictionary nearby.

I grow up in the Soviet Union with centuries old believes about women, men and relationships. In that society was absolutely normal to live with a drinking man if he doesn’t beat his wife. If he does drink and abuses but brings money and ‘loves’ her and children it still would be better than being alone. There was, and still is, saying “not the best but my own”. And being married is absolute MUST.

From my early years I saw my grandmother being very patient with her husband drinking; my mother had two husbands, both alcoholics and violent. So from this age my idea of love was patience and sacrifice. Continue reading “From Russia, With Love” →

Becoming a Mother – Feeling your Way and not Losing the Woman

~ womeninlivingness ~ 1 Comment

by Kylie Kennedy, BA Psyc Sci and Dip Counselling, Australia

Feeling your way

Becoming a mother was something I chose two years ago when I became pregnant. But what does it mean to become a mum?

During my pregnancy I was confronted with so much literature, opinions, beliefs, morals and judgements about parenthood from books, professionals, friends, family: basically, everyone and everything had an opinion on what being a mum is all about. The amount of information that came my way was overwhelming. What I found was that there was such a force bombarding me with the ‘should’ and the ‘how to’ be a mum, at times it felt like I was drowning and gasping for air. I had to keep reminding myself to feel into what being a mum is all about. The truth is, we can give our power away to the information and the opinions of others. Continue reading “Becoming a Mother – Feeling your Way and not Losing the Woman” →

Women, Comparison & Love

~ womeninlivingness

by Anonymous

Having grown up with 3 sisters, I know all about comparison and jealousy and competing for attention… And I know all about covering things up with niceties, manners and politeness when presenting to the rest of the world, yet knowing full well the feelings that are underlying between us.

When I reflect now, it’s sad to feel the way that we were with each other and in some ways, still are. How is it that 5 beautiful women (including my mum) were all living in the same house and, for a lot of the time, there were unspoken resentments, jealousies and judgments towards one another. It’s been hard to admit, but if I am really honest, that is the truth. And I played a full part in that. It is painful to feel that I measured myself constantly with my sisters and also with my parent’s expectations. Instead of expressing and getting it all out there in the open, we tended to hold things in and keep it all under lock and key, letting it all build up – with the inevitable emotional explosions from time to time. And all the while, so often our words and actions were laced with the insidiousness of anger, frustration or disappointment under the guise of ‘politeness’ or ‘niceness’. Continue reading “Women, Comparison & Love” →

Letting go of ‘Trying to Fit In’

~ womeninlivingness

by Donna Gianniotis, Yoga Teacher, Sydney, Australia

I couldn’t help but feel the joy and the loveliness in the room at the recently held Women’s Group Presentation hosted by Natalie Benhayon in Sydney.

This led me to ponder  – I’ve been in many a room with women only, but why did this feel different?

The answer revealed itself throughout the afternoon: my conclusion being that here we were, a group of close to 100 women openly expressing in our honesty about how we live our lives. We explored various challenges that we may face living as women today, with one of the biggest of these being how we, as women, tend to want to ‘fit in’.  And how ‘fitting in’ takes us away from keeping our own personal rhythms that could truly support us and allow us a deeper connection to ourselves. Continue reading “Letting go of ‘Trying to Fit In’” →

The Texting Game. Innocent or not so Innocent?

~ womeninlivingness

by Beverley Brown, Norfolk, UK

I recently had an experience which I feel to share. To set the scene, my partner and I live together; the endeavour of us both is to maintain a commitment to live and grow in love together.

Recently I received a text from a (very) ex-boyfriend and we communicated briefly. I did not tell my partner at first, until he was present when a text or two arrived and only then did I offer information. This texting communication was to me just a random communication with someone whom I had known for many years, and I did not think too much of it. (First stage of ignorance!)

I spoke to my partner as I noticed that he seemed a little out of sorts, and with this he eventually owned up to not feeling very comfortable about the texts. Again I brushed it off and spoke with him about his own insecurities in the relationship – I made it all his problem and not mine (Second stage of ignorance! And a huge dose of arrogance, to assume it was nothing for me to look at). Continue reading “The Texting Game. Innocent or not so Innocent?” →

Women in Conversation

~ womeninlivingness ~ 2 Comments

by JK, UK

I have come to realise the power of expression, and the amazing potential that conversations with amongst women have to help every woman feel and reflect on their lives and the world around them – the importance of being earnest, and true to oneself.

Today whilst in conversation with other women, I realised for instance that two years ago I didn’t feel I knew how to be a true woman. I was born as a woman, I had a woman’s body, I could be a caring sister, a thoughtful daughter, a diligent colleague, a kind neighbour, but none of them felt like they were truly me, they felt more like roles I played. Today, two years on, having been inspired by other women and having had the opportunity for many conversations with women, I can feel that I am now starting to feel myself as a woman, in that I can feel tenderness, gentleness, and a loveliness in the way I move. I can feel a delicateness in the way I touch things, and I can feel a beauty deep within me – whatever clothes I am wearing on the outside. More so, I can feel a far deeper confidence as a woman, not that I now know all there is to be a woman, but that I have given myself the opportunity to give it a go, to experiment with the way I lovingly care for myself on a daily basis, and to be open to learning more about being a woman at work, or with friends and relatives, and in the way I am in the world.  Continue reading “Women in Conversation” →